Trust the (hair) Process

MayL

May is usually the month swamped in school functions, deadlines, anniversaries, graduations, banquets, weddings, birthdays, shows and transitions.

It seems that if I were to chart the topography of my year, May seems to be my "valley month."

The busyness, rattles me. 

Nothing earth shaking, just a low grade drowning that I can, for the most part, disguise. 

This May,  I received two surprises in the mail from friends from yesteryear.

The first one was a post card from San Francisco from my friend, Mary Jane.

The second one was a Watercolor calendar was from Toronto from my friend since I was 6, Becky.

Both went to Maryknoll (an all girls school in Manila a lifetime ago.)

I am amazed by their thoughtfulness and the synchronistic arrival of their mail. 

These notes came "for no reason" yet they had no idea how grateful I was to get it.

Friends old and new are really God's messengers.

I am documenting this as a reminder to myself and to anyone else reading this.

When you are at peace with yourself and you feel an urge to reach out to a friend, an acquaintance or even an old enemy--DO IT. You will never know when you are being used Divinely.

A Friday Out And About

Commercial Break: I Forgot All About This Picture That Was Emailed To Me Last May.

The first picture was sent to me by my niece Aneka.
She is still in contact with the Daniel Hoffman and Mikaela Ingals.
They met for coffee somewhere in Europe, he lives in Israel and she lives in London.
They wanted to send me a message. But since I have been off Facebook for over a year now, they decided to send it to Aneka, who lives in Manila.

The second picture was taken on my 25th birthday.
These were my preschool students 23 years ago. All their parents worked at the Refugee camp.
Aneka is on my right.
Daniel is the little boy third from left (only his eyes are seen)
Mikaela is the little girl third from right holding a red cup.

When I got this picture, I was
"not feeling very well."
But I remember feeling lifted by the
'Hello Teacher Chesca' message.
The point of this post is this,  when you feel compelled to pick up the phone or send a message to someone--Do it.
You never know how much the person receiving the note may be needing it.
(Within reason of course. Do not message your former dealer or anyone that is not healthy for you)

A Monday In September

I shall bathe my dog. (and then I have some uncomfortable things to attend to)

I Tackled Something Last Friday That Was Huge.

It was not easy.
Anyhow, something about that experience allowed me get up and race the next morning.
~~~~~~~~~~
Last saturday morning was not the perfect day to run in a 5k race.
It was cold and raining.
I was prepared for the temperature (I had purchased a nice pair of running tights) but I was not ready to get wet.
The moment the feeling of dread popped into my head, I did not pretend that I was not dreading it, but I did not dwell on it either. I just let the feeling pass through.
The course was wet and a bit slippery but I kept running anyway.
My thought was that it will be over soon, and that
the unpleasant condition I am in right now, will not last forever.
I pushed myself so hard that at the 4th kilometer, I ended up throwing up a little bit in my mouth and then having to swallow it. (I am aware that's gross) but when I was asked why I did not just spit it out, I explained that if I leaned over to let it out--then the vomit flood gates would have opened and then I would have had to stop.
There's a time to keep things in and a time to let it out.
I ended up having a good race finishing at the exact pace I was hoping for.
My time was 27.29 which is a pace of 8.52 minutes/mile.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next day was Sunday, which was the East End Cross Country Championships for Kika and Gabi.

Gabi told me that she was not feeling well enough to run.
She said she could run, but that it would not be her best run. (she is a middle of the pack runner)
I listened to her and said that she did not have to decide at that moment whether she was to run or not.

She told me that she would run if I ordered her to.

But then since none of us know what is going on inside the mind of another,

I refused to make that decision for her.

I told her to pray about it.

She ended up opting out of the race and said she would save her self for the big Diocesan-wide final race coming up in less than 4 days.

Then... she ended up having a miraculous recovery for her volleyball game that evening. :)

Kika on the other hand, told me that she was nervous.
She had not ever come in first (but had been consistently in the top group of runners)
She said that this is her last chance to attempt getting first place at the middle school level.
I told her,  that it is never one's last chance to do one's best.
It was another cold day.
I offered her the use of either my UnderArmour long-john type tights to wear or my new running tights.
She said she would wear whatever was clean.
I told her neither of them were freshly laundered.
She chose to wear my new (but previously sweated in from my 5k race) running tights.
(yes, I know that is gross too)
She ended up winning first place against an extremely fast runner, and they both ended up breaking away from the pack and making a course record with their time.
(She was probably running fast so that she could get out of those tights.....)

Watch the 17 second video of her finish here:
~~~~~~~~~~
Watching her do this really showed me that when you pray for something you want, put forth your intentions and work towards it, I mean really work towards it--you can and will achieve it if it is in God's game plan for you.
However, despite the fact that I was almost overcome with emotion watching her win
(that is my voice in the video exclaiming "Oh my God.")
I also remembered that:
Nothing is permanent.
That joyous moments can get quickly marred by something unpleasant and vice versa, uncomfortable situations can get balanced out by exhilarating experiences.
The key is to be in the moment, but not get hooked by it.
The moment you get hooked, you get attached to the desired outcome.
For me, the ability to stay unhooked is only possible through prayer.
And that is precisely what helped me tackle last friday's 'huge.'

I have been praying more and more these days--for everything.

I pray for guidance on how to parent my kids, and I am learning to surrender the outcome.

Surrender the outcome. 

I am trying to make this a way of life for myself.
It helps me parent, be a wife, be a friend, be a sister and be part of my community. 

Now that I am a "runner," I realize that living a prayerfully surrendered life is very much like running hills.
It's a challenge that gets easier the more I train.
~~~~~~~~~~
On a different topic, last night (monday) I had tested the patience of a volleyball referee.
I was the line judge at the varsity game.

After it became apparent that I was incompetent,  he actually summoned me to approach his tower to ask me:

"So did the ball pass inside the antenna or outside the antenna?" (yes he was exasperated)

I looked up at him, and sheepishly admitted:

"I was not watching."

He sighed, smiled kindly and then waved me back to do a mediocre job of line judging.

It's not like I was not trying.

But I just come from  'working the door' (collecting admission money from the spectators) and before that I had helped coach the Junior Varsity game.

My mind had somehow not caught up with what my body was doing.

Anyhow, I noticed how absolutely freeing it is to be honest with the ref instead of pretending to know the answer.

That was actually a good experience.

Be Well.

The Trust Game

http://thesoftspotspeaks.blogspot.com/2012/09/cheers-for-mikael-epilogue.html?m=1

...this email was sent hastily by chesca from her cell phone.

A Care Package

I got this in the mail today.

My friend MJCY surprised me with this box full of L-O-V-E.

It's usually kids at camp that get a care package, I was not expecting to receive one too.

The amazing thing is, Mary Jane had no idea that I had a couple of these things on my mind today as I was going about my business of laundry and an attempt at productivity.

Look! A couple of meditation CDs!!!

Chocolate!

Laing!!!

Boy Bawang (I had mentioned this precious product recently to my friend JB--I had just recently gifted this to another friend during my recent drive to Baltimore--I now have three in return).

Truly whatever you give, you get back.

Such a gift to get this on my kids' first day away.

Well this, and my period.

Waiting to Exhale at 1 AM

I wore this while waiting for Steve to get his Kidney stones harvested.
It is SL's 'Prayer Labyrinth' necklace.
When Steve handed me his wedding ring for safe keeping, I slipped it onto the borrowed necklace.
I got so many compliments for it in the waiting room. I think I may have stumbled on a great jewelry design.
I find it interesting that everybody loves unusual and unique yet for the most part we all secretly strive to be just like everyone else. This keeps therapists in business.
But I digress.
Calling Ureteroscopy and Lithotripsy "procedures" do not seem commensurate to the pain experienced during recovery.
And I am not even talking about Steve's pain.
Before they wheeled him to the OR,
I called out, "Tim says he loves you"
The Versed in his system must have kicked in already because instead of clearing up any confusion, he instead let out a belly laugh.
(Tim is Steve's brother, and that line is a private joke designed to make anyone within earshot think that Steve "bats for the same team.")
While in the surgery waiting room, the hospital provides a round vibrating pager, the type with red lights--you know the one, like what restaurants give you while waiting for a table.
Since we live nearby, I walked home and started cutting my hair.
By the time the hospital vibrator alarmed me I had trimmed a few inches.
I don't do very well with blood.
Especially blood accompanied by pain.
When I see it in places like--Steve's urine, his hospital bed, the bathroom floor, or spurting out of the back of his hand when the IV is removed--I get edgy.
But when I see him grimace every single time he goes to the bathroom I get the urge to cut off more of my hair.
Its been five days now since his surgery and I now have several layers off.
At one point yesterday I turned to him and said,
"why have we not prayed together for your pain?"
He looked at me and said:
God isn't giving me something that I can not handle.
While I admire his courage, strength and his selfless attitude I am really thinking that it is time to put an end to this.
If he does not start feeling better soon I will end up bald.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is now 1 in the morning, and he just left to go to the ER to get another IV put in to help manage the pain of flushing out his kidneys.
His pain is kicking his butt.

And yet he walked to the hospital.
I would have gone with him, or at least driven him there, but he did not want the girls left by themselves at this hour.
I can't sleep knowing that he is going through this.
So while waiting to hear from him I shall do laundry and yes, cut some more of my hair.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*He is back home. Still pissing out gravel.

I did all the laundry yesterday (but have not folded it yet)

My bedsheets were beginning to feel butt crumbs-y.
I took Pax to the vet where they RAVED about his physique.
All muscle no fat.
A waistline!
(pet pride)
My high from the visit to the vet led me and Pax to drive past my normal radius and buy a printer (yes a third one).
For almost a year now, we have been relying on a nearby Staples Store, or the kids' school teachers or the kids' friends' mothers for our printing needs.
I think the reason it took me this long to buy another one is, because I could not believe that the newish second one broke too.
Funny how when denial kicks in, lethargy happens.
I splurged for the warranty but asked if they can write in an agreement that if this new printer breaks too, then I have the right to a replacement but only if I can throw this third one through their glass window.

Last saturday I was able to watch the Pacquiao-Marquez fight with some friends from around here but also with 5 siblings from around the world.
Using Google plus' video capabilities (under the tutelage of SFO bro Ted)
I was able to "share" the fight with siblings from Manila, California, Australia and Rochester.
Despite the controversy regarding the fight (which btw, is such BS) the highlight of it for me was the simulcast from my kitchen.
I really enjoyed having all of them as a captive virtual audience.
I could block the screen at anytime and command their attention.
A far cry from life growing up with them.
Hhhhm.....it's all becoming clear to me now.
A blog friend of mine shared a quote from the author Sandra Kring:
"If you want to find yourself but don't know where to look, search for who you were before you were told to sit down and shut up; there will be your spirit.  Search for the traits you both admire and abhor;
there will be your nature.  Search for what you give away; there will be your needs.  Search for what brings you to life; there will be your heart. Search everywhere; there will be Self trying to find its way home."

Pretty powerful stuff.

I am no longer premenstrual--just my normal cranky self as I tackle (heroically in my head) mothering tasks, haircuts, maintenance, science projects, shuttling obligations, etc.
I am trying to organize my gadgets.
I used up all the memory on both my phone and my mac because I am addicted to taking pictures.
In order to whats-the-word--upgrade the operating system of my phone,
I needed to back it up.
But I had no space in my computer to do so.
So you know what I did?
I did not care.
When thingy came up saying I would lose my media if I continued,  I pressed: Continue!!
And as of right now I have not yet figured out what I lost.
Must not be that important, right?
So now my phone is up-to-date.
Complete with its own clouds.

I am trying to use this iCloud as storage but it is saying that it is going to take HOURS to float my stuff up to some virtual storage facility. 

So while waiting,  I have been clearing out in-real-life storage: my garage. 

I'm hoping to make room for me to actually park a car one of these days.

I am telling you, cleaning is good for the mind.

As I clean, I clear out my brain

all while sending stuff to iGod to store.

I'm hoping to make enough room for me to park my soul.

And now I shall fold the laundry.

Shotgun Approach To Life

I went to an acupuncturist last Friday with my friend CK, not the singer.
First-born turned 13 last Saturday. We got her a cellphone that she is ecstatic about.
Had Reiki performed on me on Sunday by my friend M.
Had Monday morning coffee with a friend K.
Left-overs for lunch and a 3 mile walk after at DZ's house still on a Monday.
2.59 mi dog walking and coffee with another newish friend, Tuesday.
Washed and folded 2 loads of laundry.
Bathed 1 smelly dog.
Vacuumed 1 house.
Did civic duty of voting with 1 husband and then went to our local watering hole where we met newish friend and her husband.
WEDNESDAY I did something huge.
So huge, I almost need three weeks to either get over this decision or prepare for what we are about to do in connection with what I did on wednesday. (explanation coming, hang on)
And then to assist me in either the getting over or the preparation, I agreed to meet SL and do the prayer walk in the evening. As the girls and I were leaving we discovered that our car was blocked in, so we hurriedly bundled up against the crisp fall eve to walk briskly the 1.20 mi distance to the labyrinth in order to make our date.
We had no pie to eat after but I did have a delicious pot of chicken adobo that I made.
Then before sleeping I watched a depressing
documentary called Marathon Boy.
It is about Budhia, a child from India--who is the world's youngest marathon runner.
(this movie is not for the emotionally fragile)
Thursday, which was yesterday, despite the cold morning, I walked Pax a mile and a half.
I also crocheted and video chatted with my Manila sister K,  in the morning.
I found a kennel for smelly dog, but in preparation for his stay there, had to make an appointment with his vet.
And then I listened to about 4 or 5
TED talks (highly recommend!)
One speaker was a guy who was in the Hudson river plane crash.
Another speaker talked about his experiment to try something for 30 days straight in order to learn something new or change behavior.
While another speaker was a ceo of SFO hotel chain that emphasized the importance of human relationships, compassion and the importance of Gross National Happiness over Gross Domestic Product
Then I napped.
When I woke, I spoke on the phone with my Chicago sister P.
Cooked a big pot of soup.
Had a bev with JB.

Today is Friday. 11-11-11.
Already I have spent a few minutes with CK-
And I am about to get dressed to attend a Veteran's Day celebration at the kids' school.
Kika is playing her flute.
I am very very very very very very very pre-menstrual but I am determined to keep going.
Then tonight I am going to see 
a benefit concert with M, DZ and Steve.
My shotgun approach to life is to try everything accessible to me in order to facilitate this.
Starting with the long hot shower that I am about to take.

Be Well.

Help is On Its Way (Or How To Buy A Mattress)

To celebrate 18 years of back breaking work,  I went out and purchased a new King-sized mattress at a store my brother Ayo recommended.
Mattress shopping is a rather peculiar yet amusing experience.
I had to lie on a couple of mattress in the showroom for about 15 minutes per bed just to make the right decision.
Doing Musical Beds at the store could ostensibly find oneself in bed with a complete stranger.
To ensure that this did not happen to me, I enlisted my sales rep Lillian,  a Grandmother to 83 children,  to be my bed mate on my favored finalists.
They are not cheap--these mattresses and since we average 2,688 hours/year in bed, I wanted to do a thorough consumer job.
The mattress we are replacing is about 11 years old.
Mattress sellers recommend you change your mattress every 6-8 years, or else they are out of business.
Steve's back tells us that the time is now.
A mattress' life depends on the quality of care.
Apparently you are not supposed to wait until your back hurts before you rotate and flip your mattress.
It should be done regularly once in 3-6 months. Hhmm. So every time I wash our bedsheets?
(I know gross. whatever)
Will put 'rotate mattress' into my phone calendar so that an alarm will remind me to do this, just like dental appointments, mammograms and other maintenance appointments necessary for life's quality control.

Speaking of quality control--
The other day Steve called me and asked me if I played a trick on him.
After going to the bathroom, he noticed a little round sticker at the tip of his...well, you know.
It said: Inspected by 94.
Apparently it comes off of new underwear really easily but on skin?
Not that easy.

Our new mattress was just delivered today but we won't get to sleep on it much because Steve and I are going away to attend pictures here --->  a wedding at the Central Park BoatHouse.
When we come back I am hoping that our new mattress will not only help Steve's back but be the impetus for our physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.
That's what the brochure for the mattress company claims anyway.
If not, I never signed an
indemnity agreement so at the very least I should get my money back.

Have a good weekend.

A Friday Joke:

Minister walks into a hotel and says to the clerk "I hope your tv porn is disabled." 
Hotel clerk gives a funny look and replies 
"no, it's regular porn you sick man."
(shared by an anonymous reader)


Happy Friday.

Pet Friendly Coffee Shops Lift My Spirit

As I embark on making my house smell like Pine-Sol.

Pax Does Not Know That He Is A Bulldog.

He and I have been going on miles and miles of therapeutic walks.
Miles and miles.
He is behaving in a way that is completely unexpected.
He is not a herder, yet he herds me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In case you are wondering, I am not clinically depressed.
I am going through a storm.
A flagellating period of self vitriol and doubt.
Without a net.
-sans prozac
-sans ketel one

Just as I want to feel happy without a leveling drug, I also want to feel this
--this without buffers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am on auto-pilot.
I clip my dog's toenails.
I crank my daughter's palate expander.
I wash bedsheets.
I do laundry.
I scrub toilets.
I pick up dog poop.
I feed my family.
I am a wife.
I do lunch duty.
I am a mother.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the moment,  I can not be a good sister, a daughter nor a friend.
It's not that I don't want to be, it's just that I need to work on some internal business before I can offer myself to others.
Pax though, is a different story.
Either he does not know that he is a bulldog and acts uncharacteristic of his breed or he does know,  but is  being selfless and attending to my needs.
That is unconditional love.

Bench Warmer

This is my friend's body.
Let's call her JB.

JB and I share many of life's tasks like
shuttling, feeding, mothering, and socializing.
Together she and I go back and forth with the catch phrase:
"It takes a village..."
I find that we live somewhat parallel lives except for a couple things.
She is, unlike me, gainfully employed as a teacher.
She is an active member of a large family.
She helps coach cross country,
She takes her family to church,
She volunteers regularly at the school's sports association by stocking...STOCKING the concession stand (meanwhile I can't even grocery shop for my family)
and get this:
JB works out.
Last week we played in a Mothers vs Daughters basketball game.
(Sidebar: I have a deeper respect for Kika and Gabi now that I've ran a mile in their basketball shoes.)
At one point of the game I turned to Steve who was ref-ing the game and asked him to
coach me on what to do.
His advice: "Take yourself out and put JB in!"

Hey

31 days into the new year,  I hastily tap this out from my cell phone.
Will not allow January 2011 to slip by without a trace.
So far I have been able to:
1. Host a pajama party to welcome the new year.
2. Keep up with most of the laundry.
3. Conquer winter with a family ski trip.
4. Watch numerous basketball games for BOTH girls. Yes Gabi started playing too.
5. Put away Christmas.
6. Visit family.
7. Visit a friend.
8. Ponder relationships, friendship management and child wrangling skills.
9. Do a live demonstration of
"how to neti pot" purely for entertainment purposes.
10.Go to criminal court to testify in a crime that I witnessed.
11.Plan more excuses to master the perfect  Spotted Greyhound beverage:
-like Superbowl day (go Steelers)
-Steve's bday,
-Snow storm days,
-Frozen kitchen pipe day
-Car buried under 5 inches of snow so I can't go anywhere day...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spotted Greyhound:
Mix
2 parts vodka*
4 parts freshly squeezed grapefruit juice
Then
Toss in  a small handful of blueberries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*vodka-- brings me to the 12th thing I've done this month:
12. Conducted a blind taste test of three vodkas
-Grey Goose
-Ketel One
-Tito's
Conclusion: alcohol dulls taste buds and disables one from
distinguishing between brands.
Hang-overs are really decided by the amount imbibed and not the quality.
This, I know.

Do You Know That In Order To Stop Payment on A Check

written, you must know its check number?

My daughters are on day three of their summer vacation.

So far they have gone with me to get a mammogram, take our bulldog to the vet to get shots,

take our vacuum cleaner to be serviced and gone to the bank to reverse a "stop payment" on a check that has finally made its way to its final and correct destination.

Do you know that Xanax is pretty effective at calming a person?

(may cause drowsiness)

Day 6 of being Snowed in and Loving it.

Book taste, like music-- is a very personal thing.
I read John Grogan's memoir,

'The Longest Trip Home' last summer.

John is the author of 'Marley and Me.'
I chanced upon it at the house we rent at Key West.

Yes I pilfered it.
(In exchange I gave the house my copy of 100 Years of Solitude)
There was something about 'The Longest Trip Home'
perhaps the timing of when I read it:
-after the death of my dad and everything related to that occasion--nailed it's landing in my brain.
Books are such a personal experience (like music) and it is a way for people to get to know each other better or at the very least understand how the other person's mind works.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Major snow has kept the girls home from school ALL WEEK.

Steve asked me if I was going stir-crazy and I said absolutely NOT.

I love having the excuse to stay HOME, in my pajamas, with hot caffeine and books.

Snow is a beautiful thing.