I Tackled Something Last Friday That Was Huge.

It was not easy.
Anyhow, something about that experience allowed me get up and race the next morning.
Last saturday morning was not the perfect day to run in a 5k race.
It was cold and raining.
I was prepared for the temperature (I had purchased a nice pair of running tights) but I was not ready to get wet.
The moment the feeling of dread popped into my head, I did not pretend that I was not dreading it, but I did not dwell on it either. I just let the feeling pass through.
The course was wet and a bit slippery but I kept running anyway.
My thought was that it will be over soon, and that
the unpleasant condition I am in right now, will not last forever.
I pushed myself so hard that at the 4th kilometer, I ended up throwing up a little bit in my mouth and then having to swallow it. (I am aware that's gross) but when I was asked why I did not just spit it out, I explained that if I leaned over to let it out--then the vomit flood gates would have opened and then I would have had to stop.
There's a time to keep things in and a time to let it out.
I ended up having a good race finishing at the exact pace I was hoping for.
My time was 27.29 which is a pace of 8.52 minutes/mile.
The next day was Sunday, which was the East End Cross Country Championships for Kika and Gabi.

Gabi told me that she was not feeling well enough to run.
She said she could run, but that it would not be her best run. (she is a middle of the pack runner)
I listened to her and said that she did not have to decide at that moment whether she was to run or not.
She told me that she would run if I ordered her to.
But then since none of us know what is going on inside the mind of another,
I refused to make that decision for her.
I told her to pray about it.
She ended up opting out of the race and said she would save her self for the big Diocesan-wide final race coming up in less than 4 days.
Then... she ended up having a miraculous recovery for her volleyball game that evening. :)

Kika on the other hand, told me that she was nervous.
She had not ever come in first (but had been consistently in the top group of runners)
She said that this is her last chance to attempt getting first place at the middle school level.
I told her,  that it is never one's last chance to do one's best.
It was another cold day.
I offered her the use of either my UnderArmour long-john type tights to wear or my new running tights.
She said she would wear whatever was clean.
I told her neither of them were freshly laundered.
She chose to wear my new (but previously sweated in from my 5k race) running tights.
(yes, I know that is gross too)
She ended up winning first place against an extremely fast runner, and they both ended up breaking away from the pack and making a course record with their time.
(She was probably running fast so that she could get out of those tights.....)

Watch the 17 second video of her finish here:
Watching her do this really showed me that when you pray for something you want, put forth your intentions and work towards it, I mean really work towards it--you can and will achieve it if it is in God's game plan for you.
However, despite the fact that I was almost overcome with emotion watching her win
(that is my voice in the video exclaiming "Oh my God.")
I also remembered that:
Nothing is permanent.
That joyous moments can get quickly marred by something unpleasant and vice versa, uncomfortable situations can get balanced out by exhilarating experiences.
The key is to be in the moment, but not get hooked by it.
The moment you get hooked, you get attached to the desired outcome.
For me, the ability to stay unhooked is only possible through prayer.
And that is precisely what helped me tackle last friday's 'huge.'

I have been praying more and more these days--for everything.

I pray for guidance on how to parent my kids, and I am learning to surrender the outcome.
Surrender the outcome. 
I am trying to make this a way of life for myself.
It helps me parent, be a wife, be a friend, be a sister and be part of my community. 
Now that I am a "runner," I realize that living a prayerfully surrendered life is very much like running hills.
It's a challenge that gets easier the more I train.
On a different topic, last night (monday) I had tested the patience of a volleyball referee.
I was the line judge at the varsity game.
After it became apparent that I was incompetent,  he actually summoned me to approach his tower to ask me:
"So did the ball pass inside the antenna or outside the antenna?" (yes he was exasperated)
I looked up at him, and sheepishly admitted:
"I was not watching."
He sighed, smiled kindly and then waved me back to do a mediocre job of line judging.
It's not like I was not trying.
But I just come from  'working the door' (collecting admission money from the spectators) and before that I had helped coach the Junior Varsity game.
My mind had somehow not caught up with what my body was doing.
Anyhow, I noticed how absolutely freeing it is to be honest with the ref instead of pretending to know the answer.
That was actually a good experience.

Be Well.