Claudine

Late last June I got a Facebook friend request from Claudine, a friend from college whom I had not seen in over twenty years. We were actually friends-in-law--I knew her through Augie, a close friend of mine.

Me, Augie and Claudine, Los Angeles, Ca. 1993.

I accepted the friend request but was unable to exchange messages with her right away.
It was the end of July before I remembered to write to her before leaving for our family vacation.
(On my list of things to do before leaving: stop the mail, contact the dog sitter, clean the bathrooms, write to Claudine)
When she responded, she told me that she was having health problems.
Serious ones.  The type with the stages.
By the time our correspondence continued,  I was already in Florida-- but because of the nature of her personal news,  I did not mention that I was on vacation.
I think I withheld that information because it felt out of place in a conversation about chemotherapy.
Claudine mentioned that Augie was going to visit her from Texas in a few days.
I was happy for her. I even requested that they take pictures of Augie's visit.
Before I signed off, I told her that I was going to pray for her. And I did.
That evening, I told Steve about my friend's condition and he confirmed that it was grave.
~~~~~
While I was in Florida, I made a conscious decision not to post pictures online.
I was trying to be present, and in the moment--instead of focusing on the perfectly staged shot to share with friends.  I stuck to this decision until six days into the trip I felt the urge to post this photo of Steve on Facebook.  (Something about the beauty of the double rainbows and the symbol of God’s promise)

The picture posted together with our location: TopGolf, Tampa Florida.
Suddenly I received a message from Claudine:
“Are you in Tampa?” she inquired.
I said, "yes, I've been here since Saturday. Tomorrow is our last full day here. We leave Saturday morning. Why?"
She said, "Augie is here with me, and she said that you posted a picture saying that you are here too."
I was so confused.
All this while I thought that Claudine still lived in Los Angeles.
I had no idea that while we were chatting earlier in the week--that we were already in the same city.  Claudine was excited that I was in town, but because she had chemotherapy scheduled for the next morning, she wanted Augie to be able to see me. She offered that Augie drive her car while she was at her session.
I told her that I would go to see them, because I wanted to see her.

It was past midnight on Thursday, but right away I asked Steve if he could drive me first thing in the morning about 45 minutes away.  I wanted to get there before Claudine left for the hospital.
I asked Steve because I don’t drive well in unfamiliar cities or at all.
Steve agreed to take me, (which in itself is a miracle as Steve is not a morning person)
~~~~~
The next morning, although we hit traffic and sudden torrential rain, we got to Claudine’s house on time.  The moment I stepped in,  for some reason, Claudine, Augie and I started laughing about one
thing after another.  Our time together was brief but filled with so much joy.

me, Claudine, her sister Melina, Augie: Tampa, Florida 7/31/2015

Perhaps our giddiness was brought on by the serendipitous nature of finding ourselves all together in one place.  (I had not seen Augie in eight years, and Claud’s sister Melina who now lives in Tacoma,  I don’t think I’ve seen since our college days)
We chatted, laughed and teased each other non-stop until Claudine excused herself to get ready for her appointment.
While Claudine was in the shower, out-of-the-blue Augie suddenly asked me,
“What made you come?”
I asked, "you mean here for vacation?”
She said--“no, here,  this morning.”
I looked at her and said: “I wanted to pray for her.”
Augie’s already large eyes got even larger as she said, "Chesca. This is why I decided to come too.”
"I wanted to pray with her because  “When two or more are gathered...” Augie started to say...
I interrupted her:
“...There I am in their midst.”  (-Matt 18:20)
~~~~~
I don’t know how to put into words the experience of praying with Claudine and Augie that morning, amidst the mist and steam of Claudine’s after-shower bathroom.
(It was the only private place we had as Steve, Claudine’s family and guests were in the living room)
The three of us held each other praying for healing, with uncontrollable tears streaming down our faces.
By the time we were done praying--there was a serenely peaceful look on Claudine’s face that I shall
never forget.

7/31/2015

~~~~~
Last week,  I made the 300 mile drive to visit my mother for her birthday.
Right before I pulled out of my driveway, I got a message from Augie telling me that Claudine needed prayers.
I spent the next 5 hours of my drive, praying for Claudine.
I was unsure of exactly what to pray for.
I prayed for miraculous healing, but I also prayed for God’s Will for her and that if she was to go, that she transitioned peacefully without suffering.
I wish that this is the part where I report a miracle, that Claudine defied all medical prognosis and is well today.
But that is not the case.
A few hours later, as I was in the middle of planting a huge flowering Chrysanthemum plant for my mom in honor of her 85th birthday, I got the message from Augie telling me that Claudine had passed away.
She was 45 years old.
~~~~~
I’ve been pondering, processing and trying to figure out what that whole experience was all about.
What I do know is that, although I was not close to Claudine, being drawn to contact her and see her 41 days before her death has left me with an unmistakeable gift that I hope I never forget.
The peace, joy and confidence I saw in her eyes gave me so much comfort.
It somehow reminded me that a lot of what makes me crazy on a daily basis, does not really matter.
While this may sound like I am giving up on life, on the contrary, I feel compelled to keep doing my best but to do so while surrendering the outcome.
I hope that I become as calm as her when I near the end of my life...or at the very least in my life today as I live through the experience of parenting teenagers.
Seeing Claudine smile ever so sweetly as she was dealing with her terminal illness has pushed me to assess my approach to each day.
I am grateful that my Claudine Experience is encouraging me to:
1. Give up worry.
2. Forgive
3. Do my best in all I do, but let go of all expectations.
4. Stop wrestling with life.
5. Live fearlessly and with great faith in God.
6. Have only good intentions in all I do
7. Let go of my ego
8. Keep my mind and heart open
9. Love
10. Just do it.

(For my friend Claudine:  1/19/1970-9/10/2015)

MayL

May is usually the month swamped in school functions, deadlines, anniversaries, graduations, banquets, weddings, birthdays, shows and transitions.

It seems that if I were to chart the topography of my year, May seems to be my "valley month."

The busyness, rattles me. 

Nothing earth shaking, just a low grade drowning that I can, for the most part, disguise. 

This May,  I received two surprises in the mail from friends from yesteryear.

The first one was a post card from San Francisco from my friend, Mary Jane.

The second one was a Watercolor calendar was from Toronto from my friend since I was 6, Becky.

Both went to Maryknoll (an all girls school in Manila a lifetime ago.)

I am amazed by their thoughtfulness and the synchronistic arrival of their mail. 

These notes came "for no reason" yet they had no idea how grateful I was to get it.

Friends old and new are really God's messengers.

I am documenting this as a reminder to myself and to anyone else reading this.

When you are at peace with yourself and you feel an urge to reach out to a friend, an acquaintance or even an old enemy--DO IT. You will never know when you are being used Divinely.

FB

After deactivating my Facebook account since May of 2013, I decided it was time to reconnect with old friends.

My criteria for Facebook friendship used to fall under several categories:
1. former students
2. former school friends, elementary, high school, college
3. people I worked with
4. relatives
5. people from my present life

In the very beginning of my Facebook life (2008), as I sought and accepted friendships, I was ecstatic about reuniting with people.
I was liking, viewing, commenting, reading!
And then one day, I realized that I was spending too much time on it and less time being present in-real-life.
It dawned on me that I had collected too many FB friends.
It was a time suck.
I was way over Dunbar's number to make meaningful connections.
So, I started methodically eliminating friends.
People who "friended me" who I could see were active (you can see this you know) but were unresponsive to actually connecting with me, were eliminated at first round.
My feeling being, perhaps we were just not Facebook compatible. No worries.
Next round,
I examined each individual and asked myself: 'friend or acquaintance?'
Acquaintances got de-friended.
The only people that had immunity from any eliminations were former students.
The third round of eliminations was, 'anyone that I did not want seeing me in a bathing suit.'
Which was soon followed by 'anyone that I did not want seeing me without eye makeup on.'
Then because I realized that that I did not want anyone to see me without eye makeup,
I deactivated.

Three things I realized while writing this just now:
First, it is pretty obvious to me that keeping any and all former students from the chopping block must mean that I hold on to that part of my life that made me feel worthwhile.
Second, just because you know or like or love someone, does not mean you need to be connected, linked, instagrammed, or followed.
and third, I really need to get a grip and stop taking everything so seriously.
If people don't feel like interacting on facebook, perhaps it just isn't their thang.

It does not have to mean anything.

So today in 2015, my criteria for being FB friends is this:
If you are someone I would stop and chat with in-real-life--and I am someone you would stop and chat with in-real-life--AND we occasionally do so on FB--then we are FB compatible.


My opening status update for 2015 was:
"What did I miss?"

I am happy to be back in touch with people.
The downside is, since I have been back on FB, I've discovered that three FB friends have since passed away.
Such is life.

Commercial Break: I Forgot All About This Picture That Was Emailed To Me Last May.

The first picture was sent to me by my niece Aneka.
She is still in contact with the Daniel Hoffman and Mikaela Ingals.
They met for coffee somewhere in Europe, he lives in Israel and she lives in London.
They wanted to send me a message. But since I have been off Facebook for over a year now, they decided to send it to Aneka, who lives in Manila.

The second picture was taken on my 25th birthday.
These were my preschool students 23 years ago. All their parents worked at the Refugee camp.
Aneka is on my right.
Daniel is the little boy third from left (only his eyes are seen)
Mikaela is the little girl third from right holding a red cup.

When I got this picture, I was
"not feeling very well."
But I remember feeling lifted by the
'Hello Teacher Chesca' message.
The point of this post is this,  when you feel compelled to pick up the phone or send a message to someone--Do it.
You never know how much the person receiving the note may be needing it.
(Within reason of course. Do not message your former dealer or anyone that is not healthy for you)

Face-to-Face Vs Facebook

I have been getting a few inquiries about my Facebook account because I deactivated it a few months ago.

I actually love Facebook.
FB is a fantastic way to maintain and rekindle friendships.  Despite its tendency to dilute relationships, it is a great way to keep in touch with people you care about.
However, the end of the last school year  overwhelmed me.
The month of May was filled with the kids' band concerts, school musicals, piano recitals, spelling bee, basketball tournaments, gymnastics competitions,  confirmation, middle school graduation etc...and so I fiddled with what I could control and shut down my online portals, this blog included.
It is amazing how much time I suddenly reclaimed.

Since then I've been sticking to phone calls, texts, email and Face-to-Face interactions.
It is liberating.

In this day and age where every move and thought is photographed, tweeted and provoked--it is nice to be free of voluntary exhibitionism.
And btw, I am well aware that I am the only one to blame for the exhibitionism.
Like today for example.
I am so in awe of being able to say YES to life (unlike my previous old self) that if I were  active on Facebook I would feel the need to shout the following from the FB mountain tops:

Two weekends ago we drove 300 miles for a cross country meet for Kika. 

It was 300 miles in the right direction, as it was in Rochester NY where I have friends and family.

It is very fortunate when you get to combine business with pleasure.

Last Thursday I went on a 20 mile bike ride.

Last Saturday:

-8 AM. I ran in a 5K and knocked 31 seconds off my time from 2012. 
(my time was 26.58 minutes)
While I did not vomit in my mouth during the run, I did get teary eyed after. 
(and I got help from GZ who paced me with fist bumps that I could barely deliver)

-9:45 AM. Watched Kika's cross country meet followed by her team cookout at 12 Noon.

-1:45 PM. Took individual and group team photos of Gabi's volleyball team and then watched her volleyball game at 2:30 PM. Swept the school gym after the game.
-4:30 PM. Made fried pork chops and steamed broccoli for an early dinner.
-6:00 PM. Drove Gabi to a friend's house so she could go to a Scarehouse at 7.
-8:00 PM. Gabi was returned prematurely due to one of her friends freaking out at the Scarehouse.

-8:01 PM. Left for a night out. Both girls stayed home.
-9:30 PM. Went to see Jerry Seinfeld's live show downtown and laughed the entire time, got home past 12 Midnight.

Last Sunday:

-Watched Gabi win her second medal at her cross country championship meet. 

We did not buy a second bunny.

-We went to church.

-We hosted wings for  dinner while the Pirates made Steve extremely excited.

Did I mention we bought a bunny a couple of weeks ago?


There.
Facebook itch scratched.

Gave Up Facebook for Forty Days But Replaced it With Chocolate

I heard this song yesterday on Pandora and it reminded me of our two friends CK and C who are getting married soon.
There are different videos and covers of it.
I immediately sent CK a link to
a version by Kathy Mattea
The version that I like the most is sung by Kate Wolf--but whoever posted it, set it to a clip from  Battlestar Galactica. (!!!) (which would explain why I did not send that one to CK)
Give Yourself To Love by Kate Wolf
The woman in that Battlestar Galactica clip looks like my childhood best friend Elaine Henson.

Today is Elaine's birthday. The peculiar thing is, even if I am mentally over the fact that Elaine is gone, my physical state argues differently.
Every single year that her birthday rolls in,  my body kicks into sad mode.
So today I fight it with chocolate.
Lots of it.
I am winning, although I am smiling with chocolate stuck in between my teeth.
Kate Wolf was a folk singer whose death anniversary is December 10th.
December 10th is also the date that Elaine was removed from life support. I'm thinking that I should play these numbers...

CLICK ON THOSE LINKS!
I literally bumped into this song and loved it.
I hope you do too.

"love is born in fire, it's planted like a seed,
love can't give you everything, but it gives you what you need.
And love comes when you're ready, love comes when you're afraid;
It'll be your greatest teacher, the best friend you have made."
~Kate Wolf

Happy Birthday Elaine, I miss you.

1984

I went far away for my freshman year.
By far I mean, an hour away due to the congested city roads of the very populated Manila.
My initial course of study was Physical Therapy and  the program was offered in the original University of the Philippines campus situated in the heart of Manila nestled between the Supreme Court and the  Department of Justice. My father practiced law not far from there and because of this, it was not uncommon for him to kindly orchestrate his schedule in order to give me a ride to or from school.
On days that he could not give me a ride, I would catch a standing-room-only,  non air-conditioned, wooden windowed type De-Dios bus home. It was not super pleasant.

One afternoon, my dad's schedule unexpectedly opened up. He decided to intercept my passage home and offer me the luxury of a seat in his trusty blue Volkswagen Beetle.  Without the advanced cell phone technology to flag me down, he wandered around the university in search of his free spirited freshman daughter.
He stopped not a few co-eds inquiring, "Do you know Chesca Silva? do you know where I can find her?"
He had a few leads, but was unsuccessful in tracking me down.

When I emerged from my last class of the day, I was steeling myself for the stuffy De-Dios bus ride home when people started stopping me in the hallway to say:
"Chesca, do not take the bus today, your dad will pick you up."
"Are you Chesca Silva? Your dad is going to give you a ride home."
Not one or two people mind you--but a passel of people.
Even my Spanish Professor called out: "Senorrrrrita Silva yourrrrr Papa will fetch you today!"
Don't get me wrong, although I was happy to hear this, I was also morbidly intrigued to know how this information was disseminated.
Finally as I approached the main entrance to the campus I saw it.
My father had appropriated a rather large chalkboard and had written:

CHESCA,
DO NOT RIDE THE BUS TODAY.
I WILL PICK YOU UP.
-DADDY

Resourceful, focused and apparently shameless.
Parents will do what they need to do if they think it will benefit their children.

Indiscretions and Rectal Injury

There is not that much blood present in Pax's stools but he still has diarrhea.

Needless to say my kitchen floor is cleaner than it has ever been due to the daily scrubbing I subject it to before my morning coffee.

My dog swallowed part of a beef bone and since then, has had major accidents every. single. day.
For five days now.

I googled bloody stools.

And apparently dietary indiscretions like ingesting bones may scrape the lower intestinal lining or the rectum as they make their way out onto my kitchen floor.
I sifted through the soupy poop and found the culprit.

So the good news is, my kitchen floor is so clean you can eat off of it.
The bad news? the hands that prepare your food? Questionable.

Out of the Blue, I just Got a Text From One Of My Former Students:

Chesca! I would be glad to.
That sounds like fun.
The 5K right? Lemme know 
and I'll get registered.


I scrolled up to see what this was in reply to, but it was blank.
My eyebrow raised a bit higher than the other, I walked away from my phone to pour my first cup of coffee.
Caffeine shooting through my veins with my eyes now as large as Asian eyes can get, my heart started pumping with the sudden vague recollection of my previous evening.
I had taken a Post-Tuesday celebratory sleep aid, the one that lists its side effects as:
Confusion,
Abnormal thinking,
Memory loss,
Making phone calls under the influence
Driving under the influence
Eating under the influence, etc.

They should add
'Facebooking with your Iphone'
as one of the side effects because apparently that is what I did.
The Facebook records show that 11 hours ago I was soliciting a running partner for a 5K race for this coming Saturday morning.
Kika (who will not run with me but will run with Donna and her Running Family)  Gabi and I are now going to run in this race.
I have never ran in a race. 
And right now I can't seem to coax my one eyebrow down from my hair line.
You know what is strange though?
I am a bit excited to do this.
From the sidelines, under a tree--I have been watching children that I love,
push themselves.
My own two, JB's one-shoe-wonder and her sister.
Stephanie's machine, Donna's crew, Carole's Grif.
They all inspire me.
I will run this race.
One step at a time.
Wish me luck.

DeFacing My Book

I deactivated my Facebook account.

About Face

book.

Ever notice how the 40 yr old ++ American crowd love to deny their fondness for this social networking site?
"Oh I have an account, but I am never on it" is the equivalent of, I smoked it but I did not inhale.
At a recent party where small talk was being exchanged with people I had just met, the facebook Judasing happened yet again.
When it was my turn to opine I said,
"Oh I love facebook. I like to use it to stalk people as often as possible."

Quick Story: The Alvi and Chesca Story

Rina Azcuna-Siongco is an FBF (facebook friend), whom I had met after I had inquired about her beautiful flat in Manila that she is selling.
When I discovered to whom Rina was newly married, I cringed and remembered this story from my vault.

Vault: meaning it has never been shared with anyone-- not even my sister Karen, whom I have told almost everything to.

The year I had turned 16, I got a birthday card in the mail from my friends, the boys from
La Salle Greenhills (to whom I was one of the guys).
Raffy, Ferdie, Ricky, Gary, Jobet, Dennis and a bunch of other guys signed my card.

One name in particular stood out: Alvi Siongco.
Alvi Siongco was this cute guy that all the girls in my all-girl school raved about.
So, you can only imagine that I felt that I had scored a major coup with that signature.
"Alvi? Siongco? greeted? little? me????"
"He actually touched? this card??"
"Sigh."

The following weekend I was at a religious gathering held at La Salle, when lo and behold I bumped into him.
Yes, Alvi Siongco. Him.
He must have been in La Salle on a Saturday to practice for a school function or something.
Anyhow, our eyes met.
We smiled at each other briefly.
I took it as an invitation to audition. Suddenly, I felt as though I was in a movie …

LOCATION: RAMP TO LA SALLE SCHOOL GYM

CHESCA
(face flushed)
Thanks for the birthday greeting.

ALVI [YES – THE ALVI] SIONGCO
(looks puzzled … raises eyebrows inquisitively … says nothing)

CHESCA
(a look of doubt flashes across her features)
The birthday card you signed? to me? I'm Chesca?

ALVI
(His look of confusion suggesting that he has NO knowledge of a signature, a card, or even a Chesca.)

CHESCA
(Suddenly, the music changes from pleasant to the sharp and unsettling sounds of a horror film. A mortified expression now seizes hold of her face with the sudden realization that her wonderful friends Raffy, Ricky, Ferdie, et. al. took the liberty of signing the heart throb's name, stammers)
I...uhm...ah...never mind.

And that my friends, is why despite the fact that Alvi Siongco and I have 40, I repeat FORTY mutual friends on Facebook, we still do not know each other IRL (in real life).

Happy Birthday Rina.
And tell your husband Alvi that I hope to God that he does not remember me.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
COMMENTS:

Rina Azcuna-Siongco and Eric Roa like this.

Stella Yaptinchay-Manalansan at 9:38pm March 16
hahaha Cheska, funny....

Mark Parco at 9:38pm March 16
hehehe hahaha! parang pang cine! Is there anything else in your vault that you would like to share?

Albert Arcenas at 9:49pm March 16
ay naku chesca!!! More stories!!!! What other juicy stories do you have in your treasure chest of memories?

Karen Silva Crisostomo at 9:49pm March 16
Chesca!!!! and I thought...
so what else have you been keeping from me?
hahahahaha ;)
I love you!

Raffy Barreiro at 9:52pm March 16
I think I know the suspect!
Malamang finorge ni Gary Borja yung writing ni Alvi! hahaha Pero puedeng ring si Jobet... o Ferdie... o Dennis...
Alvi! Just say it was you! Wala kaming kinalaman dun! hahaha

Margarita Evangelista Jardiolin at 10:30pm March 16
Cute story... Good memory... I wish I could remember all those HS stories I locked in my vault... Then again, they're probably in my memory vault for very embarrassing reasons... So baka dapat nga manatili nalang sila doon. Hahaha! Hugs and kisses to your whole family. Tell Hali that we're missing him terribly. The house is extremely quiet without him and with Alo grounded.

Jen Paredes Abella Quinto at 10:45pm March 16
chesca - your stories are the best!

Cecille Javier Pajarillo at 11:00pm March 16
You are sooo sooo funny !!

Elizabeth Siojo at 11:20pm March 16
more stories from the vault please!

Rina Azcuna-Siongco at 1:25am March 17
ha ha! great story chesca! thanks for sharing. that's your bday gift to me :-) i guess being friends with alvi now in facebook is at least a big improvement from the strange encounter at the la salle ramp. next time you're in manila, we must definitely meet up, para in real life na! you can buy na rin our condo unit while you're at it ;-)

Leah Ledesma Sanchez at 1:43am March 17
hahaha! chesca! aylavet! alvi? hearthrob? LOL love you alvi! :)

Anabel Morelos-Ceguera at 1:54am March 17
This is too funny!!! Thanks for sharing.

Wendy Chan at 2:20am March 17
unrequitted love????? awwwwww.............:(

Marco Malimban at 2:43am March 17
It is our policy to neither confirm nor deny anything alleged, implied or alluded to in testimonies, articles... (I have no idea why I just said that)

Michelle Mella at 3:55am March 17
25 years aFter! this is something to laugh about!!!!! hmmm the LSGH boys should be ...........proud!!!

Alvi Siongco at 4:14am March 17
Hi, Chesca. I'm pretty sure I signed your birthday card. It's just that my memory started deteriorating as early as grade five. Imagine the things I forget now. Anyway, I'm really happy to re-acquaint with you on FB. I really love your storytelling. ;)

Angeli Lacson-Calanog at 10:22am March 17
Hey chesky! that was sooo funny!

Pia Ermitano Lim at 10:55am March 17
Chesca, that was really funny!

Alvi Siongco at 11:22am March 17
Marco, Rina said you're so kooky.