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9.30.2011

Taize and Nervous Laughter.

I laugh when I am nervous.
There is a some psychology to
nervous laughter that I find interesting.
It is not relaxing, this type of laughter, but rather it tightens up a person even further.

Steve sent me two texts this morning. The first one was:
Mid 40's high tomorrow
the second one was:
Did I mention windy and rain? 
The man is taunting me.
As it is I am already nervous about the race. I do not need his attempt at humor.
He finds it extremely funny that I've signed up to run in tomorrow's race while under the influence.
What he does not know is that
I am extremely committed to do battle with myself.

Yesterday, I was talking to my brother Ayo on the phone and he asked me quite bluntly:
Why are you sad?
Our conversation was interrupted and so I did not have to answer the question.
However, the question I would really like him to ask is this:
What are you going to do about your sadness?
Then I will talk his ear off about my different plans of attack.
Planning to run in a race is one.
Another thing I have done is a Taize hour.

Although we had both never been to one, Stephanie L. and I had both heard about it.
When she invited me to one at her church, I went.
What was intended to be a meditative hour turned out to be anything but.
First of all, I insisted we sit way up front so that I would not be distracted by people watching.
I did not count on the being distracted by people hearing.
A woman that sat right behind us enjoyed singing at the top of her lungs.
She. Was. Tone Deaf.
Not exaggerating.
It was almost like we were being punked.
We stifled the giggles and tried to stick it out  but eventually moved seats because it was literally an assault on the senses.
Just when we got settled into our new location we were invited for an anointing.
Dear SL nudged me forward.
I thought she was kidding.
I looked at her quizzically but she challenged me with a stare.
We went.
Two praying ladies asked my name.
Then they proceeded to pray for me by name loud and clear.
The name they called me was Jessica.
While that may not seem that funny to you, there are many back stories related to being called Jessica that hit the funny bone. (And it hit Stephanie's too)
Next thing I know I am laughing-- but also at the same time I am also hit by my emotions and started crying too. In front of all the Taize peeps.
(reminded me of my wedding day)
By the time I returned to my seat I was drenched with sweat...my body's reaction to nerves I suppose.
Before the evening ended, a woman got up and did a bit of a folk step dance at the altar.
I looked around to see how others other than me reacted to this,  but most (including SL) had their eyes closed.
I could not shut mine for I was much too intrigued.
I resisted the urge to nudge SL. (congratulates self) and ended the evening completely spent.

I am recovering and preparing myself for that race tomorrow.
I am prepared for cold, windy and wet.
If nervous laughter is an attempt to move a situation along more quickly, then it won't hurt if I laugh while I am running.

3 comments:

  1. SL texted me:

    "Only thing you left out is how you were breathing heavy after running exactly one and a half blocks...after parking in front of the wrong presbyterian church.
    Hopefully that was no indicator of tomorrow's expected performance."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hi Chesca. I hope it wasn't that cold , windy and wet when you ran. It sure is cold and windy in this part of america today. Just catching up on your latest blog posts and always reading something 'new' and interesting everytime I do. It has been a busy year and past year for me with my refresher courses and board exams , and 2nd shot /try coming up pretty soom that I don't have the energy to do much else. It's always nice to read your posts on my downtime. You take care Chesca. Keep on writing.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous1:16 AM

    "Going to church cheers me up. I always find someone there to laugh at."
    I am looking forward to your self help book. I'm sure it'll be full of unique advice.

    ReplyDelete

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