Traffic Court in July

is better than criminal court in June.
As the accused sits there and watches me on the witness stand as I am about to testify--
I stall for what I hope was an imperceptibly delayed second before squeakily asking:
"State and spell my name for the record?"
I had just been sworn in. I had forgotten all about that constitutional right of knowing one's accuser.
Gulp. Blink, Blink. Swallow.
Tempting as it was to give a stage name, my credibility was peskily important.
Witnessed and identified by me without the fake name, the guy is now in jail.
With my luck I may get a facebook request from him...

Yesterday, on a totally unrelated issue,
I paid a visit to Traffic Court for a flawed ticket.
Armed with nothing more than a Home Depot time stamped receipt to prove that my car and I were not where the ticket said I was overstaying--
and with a husband and two daughters in tow for added comedy,
my undeserved parking ticket was DISMISSED.

[Does the "Elaine dance" to the theme of Law and Order]