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1.23.2007

Chill Pill


"Someone Needs a Nap" St. Martin, March 2006

Considering that education in the Philippines has Spanish, American and British influences,
I am often perplexed by the written word (that's my excuse anyway).
I find the google search bar extremely helpful.
When I put in: Dreamed or Dreamt?
This is one of the first things I pulled up from a website called: Englishpage.
This transcript is from one of their forums:
___________________________________________
Anonymous: is it "dream, dreamed, dreamed" or "dream, dreamt, dreamt"?
I just can't remember. Maybe both?

Jörg: They are alternate spellings. Both are correct.
GUEST: THIS IS A VERY SILLY QUESTION, YOU SHOULD STUDY MORE.
Anonymous: hmmm...what about, there are no silly questions, just silly answers.
Jörg: YOU SON OF THE B****, IF YOU KNOW THE QUESTION YOU JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION, BUT IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE QUESTION JUST SHUT THE F. UP.
Rusty Super Moderator: Wait a minute now, guys, cool it. Englishpage doesn't like this kind of talk.
___________________________________________

Sounds like Jorg could use a nap or an antidepressant.
Speaking of which--
I experimented with Lexapro for about four months and have been off it now for about a month.
Here's the low-down:

It was definitely helpful.
the pros:
-my usual stress triggers were more manageable.
(travel, socializing in unfamiliar territory, house guests, dog sh** in the house...etc)
-i was not constantly freaking out.
-i was able to tackle difficult tasks
-i could be supportive of others without taking on their load.
-i could deal with personal crap without feeling like it was the end of the world.

the cons:
-i was in a perpetual haze.
-i felt robbed of my natural propensity to feel for others.
-i was unable to cry.
-organization, concentration and creativity were not 100%.
Lexapro alleviated the feeling of intense pressure so it might have hindered my "works best under pressure" mode.
(bear in mind, my 100% might be your 50%)
-TMI disclaimer: sex was at 90%
(bear in mind, my 90% might be your 100%, 'tis a gift)
-the possibility of having to be chemically dependent for life bothered me.

So why quit, you might ask?
1. I do not want to be dependent on it.
2. At times I suspect my crankiness, stress, fear and inertia are merely bad habits I had formed as a coping mechanism to life. Lexapro allowed me a window of opportunity into breaking that cycle. Presently, I am of the belief that if I can train myself to break my bad habits, then I should be okay without it.
(an occasional vodka/cranberry juice helps)
3. I think that if I get just the right amount of sleep, exercise, food, prayer, support, conviction and practice, I should be okay.

As I live sans Lexapro (three weeks and counting)-
I am teflon-free emotionally (meaning I can feel, react and cry).
but now:
-I can make a resolve to adjust my reactions.
-I do the mental exercise of putting things in perspective (where they belong)
-I can realize when something needs attention instead of allowing myself to escape in a haze.

I will be okay.

(for Carole King, who constantly inspires me, happy bday)

2 comments:

  1. Carole King2:41 PM

    Back at ya…thanks for the b-day wish. I'm also glad you didn't tell the story of what we did after this photo was taken.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous9:27 PM

    google: orient bay beach, st. martin
    but clear the 'history' feature of your computer when you are done.

    ReplyDelete

thanks for commenting!