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8.31.2006

set aside, pat dry


in keeping with
my much younger
polar personality,
relationships gone awry were
usually handled with an internal conflict.
instead of being disheveled and unkempt while nursing a heartache, i would wear my funkiest clothes (from an arsenal of about four outfits total, shared ones included).
with stage make-up on, my smile painfully wider than normal.
my voice, a tone higher.
my laugh, a decibel louder.
even my break up song 's beat belied my true feelings.

that hardly seems acceptable in today's
psycho-babbling world of allowing one's self
time to mourn.

i attended a funeral service last saturday.
it was for a 49 yr. old man who died of a heart attack.
no warning. no elaborate goodbyes to his wife of 12 years.
as many people cried, she did not.
she looked peaceful, almost happy.

i recognized my old self in her (or my younger self)
and as i hugged jerianne, i was speechless.
the lump in my throat prevented me from speaking.

perhaps she was setting aside her grief,
willing herself to deal with it when able.
sounds familiar.

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