definition of egged: to throw egg at something

yesterday our car was egged.

i quickly assessed the situation surrounding the aberrant affair.
i live in a city that thinks it is okay
to reserve parking with a chair.
i left the car on the street and not on the driveway, like i normally do.
i live across the street from a derelict with driveway-envy that had been caught egging our car in the past.
when said derelict drinks heavily, he has difficulty finding parking.

i found myself kicking into victim mode:
1. i was stunned into silence.
2.i could not tell anyone about it.
3.i quickly ran the car through a car wash, as if getting rid of the evidence would somehow erase the unfortunate affair.
4.i thought about letting it go, after all, it took me
hours before i realized that it was in fact egg and
not the regular armor of grime that was de rigeur.

but let it go, i could not.
as i was cleaning up what the car wash did not take off (egg shell and yolk are pretty stubborn), my prime suspect drives up.
our eyes met and so i asked him:
"did you do this?"
"did i do what?" he asked.
"did you egg my car????" i said.
"i did not" he yelled at me angrily, as if the question was completely out of place.
as he yelled at me, he asked me if i enjoyed the corn and tomatoes that he had given us, as if corn and tomatoes make eggs on a car, okay.
i asked him
a) if he had been been drinking and
b) if the fact that he had to park around the corner upset him.
he proceeded to go ape-sh** on me, sputtering out his defense.
i reminded him, that if he had not ever egged our car in the past, we would not even be having this conversation in the first place.

after he stormed into his house, my daughters asked me the reason for the heated discussion.
like a true teacher, i had to turn their curiosity into one of those pesky teachable moments:
when you are wronged, you have the right to stand up for yourself.
extreme anger is not the most persuasive tool (his behavior made him look even more guilty)
when you are a boy who cries wolf, you lose the people's trust
or in this case...
if you are a 50+ yr. old man and you are caught egging a car, you will always be under suspicion for future eggings.

this is gary. he is not the egger.
please see comments section.


  1. i don't know what to say. I think its sick and hateful. His reaction betrays his guilt. I think you should do a GVS on him.

  2. i don't know what to make of him if it's actually him i think you're talking about. i think it's downright abominable behavior.

  3. "TP" (toilet paper) his whole house!

  4. Gary Baczewski12:54 PM

    And not even a mention of your handsome and stunning FBI friend that came to your rescue? Humph.

  5. yes yes yes. after that screaming match during rush hour traffic, my handsome and stunning friend, Gary,drove up. i admit that amidst my bravado, i was relieved to have my rather studly friend be with me...lest the psycho returned to continue with his ranting and raving defense. sorry for the omission, gary.


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