For Nine Months We Kept It Alive

G fished a tadpole out of a pond at the property 90 miles away.
We took it home and cared for it for nine months.
Despite the fact that I do not like frogs or toads,
I kept checking on it.

I watched it grow bigger because I was intrigued
(and worried).
Just the other day we were discussing
this tadpole and I wondered why it was taking so long
for it to metamorphose into its next stage.

Not that I was looking forward to it.
I worried that I would wake up with a large toad sitting on my face.
Such a, what's the word...to want something yet dread it at the same time?
I am deathly afraid of frogs or toads.

I guess I had nothing to fear as G's tadpole died yesterday.
I was very sad that G's tadpole died.
Which was weird since I am deathly afraid of frogs and toads.
K and I had a little burial ceremony for it.
G could not attend because she left for a few days of volleyball camp.

Thesaurus says the word is: Incongruous, Paradoxical. Perplexing, Confusing.