Sunday

Steve whispered to me, "tell G that ___ waved hello.'

Like a child, I passed this message to K, who in turn passed it to G.

When I asked K what G's response was, K told me that all G said was:

"Did you brush your teeth?"

For some reason, this made the four of us start laughing uncontrollably.

The problem was, we were at church. In the sixth row.

We attended mass this morning at our "second stringer" church, (our parish) because G had her Rite of Intention for next year's Confirmation.

We were so distracted throughout the entire mass,  with more laughter because G's name was called in its male version, more goofing and people watching--that it felt like we did not attend mass today.
That I was not able to get what I needed from church today, did not help lift my spirits--or so I thought.

There's a family that attends mass at that church that seem so "upright"
The dad is a Eucharistic minister, the mom is always very polished and they all look like they spend their entire day together in a joint pursuit of all things wholesome.
I found myself watching them and wondering if they ever kick their dog.
(I told you that I was distracted)
I was envious.

I was clinging longer than necessary to our difficulties from thursday night.
I think I was getting comfort from my suffering.
I know that something is not right whenever I experience envy.

So the moment we got home from church I decided to get serious with my mental rehabilitation.
I decided to meditate but was unsuccessful with that as well.
(I think the fact that both my girls were out together working on a "cold water challenge" in a filthy pond a mile away did not help matters)
But I did give myself permission to feel all that I was feeling. No holds barred.
I kind of put it all on an invisible table as I prayed and read my Bible.
I had forgotten that clinging or wallowing in pain blocks happiness.
Letting go, let's happiness in.
And so I started releasing it.
And then when I felt the needle move ever so slightly to the right--
I decided to birth the rest of my unsettled state with a two mile sprint.
Movement is extremely effective.
And humor too , come to think of it--as the mere sound of the girls laughing together this evening as they created videos dressed like this, helped me to finally unclench my hold on something unpleasant  (but not get attached to how much I enjoyed their laughter either!!)

Last night:  G, K and Steve

In retrospect, laughing my head off irreverently at church was not a bad way to start my Sunday.

I will be well.