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5.02.2012

The Piñata Project and Eckhart Tolle

"Whatever you accept, you go beyond.
That's a miracle.
If you fight it, you are stuck with it."
~Eckhart Tolle

Part I

Kika had a group project for school.
Unfortunately a 13 year old's life busy with sports, play practices, and other after-school activities makes coordinating piñata-making difficult.
She moaned about finding the time with her partner to get it done. I told her to just start working on it.
I said that she is not to worry about doing "more than her share" because when she and her partner get together, due to the tediousness of this activity-- there will still be enough work to contribute to the group effort.
Much as she was unhappy about delaying the start of the project, she felt uneasy about starting without her project partner because they both had different ideas for it. (Kika wanted to make a Tiki, while her partner wanted a Troll)
So she decided that it was better if they just did individual projects.
She started composing a text message (as she said that this was the best way to communicate this)
but before she sent it, she asked me to look it over. It was a good note but it was too long.
I suggested that she rewrite it in a way that she is clear with her intention, concise with her apology for not being able to wait any longer and that her ending on a funny positive was a good idea.
Kika edited and sent it, and the partner pleasantly agreed.

Part II

After she constructed the base for her piñata, she turned to me in some sort of a panic.
She wanted me to step in as her new partner.
I did not want to get involved.
I whined and grumbled about credit for time served in Grade school.
My real problem was that art work and projects of this nature excite me and I was afraid that I would get tortured. I knew that I would have to struggle to keep my instinctive desires and personal choices under control if she and I were going to work harmoniously side by side.

It started of well enough. She listened as I taught her that diluted glue works best with very thin tissue paper. She let me redirect her plan of attack. She allowed me to impart my organic knowledge of the basics of piñata-making. By the time we had the first covering done, it felt like we were a team.
We set it aside to dry overnight.

While she was at school the next day, I decided to be nice and devote some time to the endeavor.
WITHOUT GLUING anything on to the project-- I painstakingly cut and plotted where I thought certain components of the Tiki should go. I was pleased with myself but even more excited for her to see the plan. When she got home from school, I ran downstairs to meet her.
She took one look at my face and said:
"Why do I think that you did something really great to my project?"
(she knows me all too well)
When I led her to the project my chest was bursting with excitement.
I was unprepared for her reaction.
Her face fell.
I was crushed.
I removed the fragile pieces of tissue paper and set it aside.

We moved away from each other.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In his book, The Power of Now--Eckhart Tolle says that "the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it."

I was unhappy about Kika's reaction because I thought that she was rejecting me.

But because I have been trying to act according to what I have been learning--I decided not to fight it.
I decided that she was not rejecting me but rather was feeling crowded by my controlling ego.
When we approached each other again, I reassured her that the pieces that I cut out did not need to be used. I told her that they are there as a 'just in case'. I told her that I understood why she got upset.

And then Kika said,
"Nanay, I am not upset with you. I was thinking about my integrity."

(wow)

She said that she did not want to receive credit for something that was not all hers.
When I pointed out that the project still needed to be made by her--she said,
"But anyone can glue anything down. That's nothing."
(clearly Kika had never made a piñata before, but she was about to learn this shortly)
Then she hugged me tightly and apologized for seeming unappreciative.

Part III

In his book, 'A New Earth,' Tolle writes about the proportional relationship between human dysfunction and ego.

Not only did Kika un-fire me, but we ended up having a great time working together.
She learned that gluing wispy bits of paper is not all that easy after all.
I was able to share some really fabulous ideas like:
-I wanted white tissue paper sneezing out of the nostrils.
-I wanted long green tendrils sprouting on top of its head.
As she was able to stand her ground and resist all my suggestions, I learned not to allow my ego to get in the way.

In the end, Kika even allowed her sister Gabi to make a large flower to adorn her piñata.
The addition of this flower came as a surprise to me since all along I thought her Tiki was a man, but I kept my mouth shut as I was not about to reassign gender on her piñata.






































updated to add: her pinata won first place.

1 comment:

  1. asyushwal, beautiful post.
    very inspiring with good pointers for parents...
    i love Kika.
    i love Gabi.
    i love you (and Steve)
    you have a beautiful family :)

    ReplyDelete

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