You know I am desperate when I agree to drive to the store to buy chewing tobacco for Steve.
I have never felt as 'street creddy' as I did when I slammed money on the counter and asked for:
"A can of Copenhagen. Silver top."
Although Steve is not in as much pain as he has been, he is still not well.
It's making me crazy.
It's not easy to watch someone you love suffer.

I took a break from my nursing duties last night and attended a lecture on Karma by a Tibetan Buddhist.
According to the teacher--a Chinese woman who is karmically married to a very smart man that amassed his wealth by creating an algorithm that predicts winners of horse races--
Karma is the power of thought.
It is also the memory of thought.
There is a belief in some sort of Karmic accounting system that allows you to bank positive karma by employing a combination of:
Well meaning intentions+Positive thoughts+Good actions.
When all three components are present, what is created is not only positive karma but also karma that is powerful.
The more you deposit into your positive karma account the more karmic cushion you have to catch you when the sh** hits the fan.
Conversely, there is supposedly a build up of unwanted Karma when
-little or no thought is placed on intentions (you just do things without thinking)
-you maintain pessimistic thoughts and
-your actions support these negative thoughts.

Buddhism is not a religion, but a practice.
Can one be a Christian while practicing buddhism?
I think so.
My limited knowledge of buddhist practices does not seem to go against Christian practices or Catholic works of mercy.

I have been caring for Steve while his kidney recovers, yet I went out and supplied him with chewing tobacco that can cause oral cancer.
If I understand karma correctly, I think I just broke even on that one.


  1. This is a good read. Thank you. I've been letting negative thoughts enter my head today and I have been feeling down despite not wanting to. There's truth in saying that the hardest war to fight is with oneself.
    I should accumulate good karma and work towards more positive thoughts. I need good karma, these days.

    Miss you and I hope Uncle Steve gets better soon.

  2. Anix, you already have good karma.
    The key is to focus on it.
    Love you!
    Stay healthy!


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