Is a question my friend Chip taught me to open with, upon getting to know someone.
He says it is a nonintrusive and benign way to show interest in others.
It is not too personal, but yet is a question that can be answered with passion and conversation.
Last sunday I was at a small gathering where most of us knew each other except for Roy, a gentleman about twenty years older than the rest of us.
We were seated at the dining table when, for whatever reason, everyone got up except for Roy and me.
My social muscle at a state of atrophy due to my present cocooning, I racked my brains for Chip's opening.
I could not remember it.
I decided to go with another safe topic, the, "Do you have any children?" question.
Unfortunately Roy had two adult children but his 35 yr. old son was just killed by a drunk driver eight weeks ago.
I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he said he did.
He talked about his son's young children (three of them) and about how close he was to his son.
I asked about the funeral, and he talked with pride about the hordes of people that came to pay their respects to his son.
By the time the others had returned to the table, Roy was choked up with tears.
As he apologized for his tears, I told him no apologies were needed.
As I apologized for bringing it up, he said no apologies were needed.
(After he left, our host turned to me and said: "I leave you with him for a few minutes...")
For a brief moment I regretted emerging from my cocoon to encounter Roy's sadness,
but I believe that at that very moment, asking Roy about his children was more cathartic than asking him anything else.
After all, it's not all about me.
Life is not all about me.
Next time though, I will ask him about his hobbies.