To My Imaginary Friend

if we spoke today,
i would have
told you how annoyed i was
with him.
you know that recurring fight
we have?
where i have to call him to sit down
for dinner with us, whether he feels like eating or not...

and then i put the word 'darling'
in to take the edge
of my voice to mask
the frustration i have
with the same f-ing issue.

i know you would have
just let me vent. you wouldn't
even have fed fuel to the fire,
because you know that despite all,
i do love him.

if you were here,
i would have told you how
i almost got a job
that i wasn't looking
for and then
i didn't because...well

i wasn't what they were looking for
...and despite the fact that
i am relieved and that
i said that didn't care...
i do care.

if we spoke today
i would have asked you
what was bugging you.
i would have listened
to your stories of betrayal and pain.

if you called me, you would
have been able to tell me.
i would have told you about
my itchy skin. i think
its an allergic reaction to something.

the top of my toes.
my stomach,
my neck...
my entire body...
(yes, even there).

you think its psoriasis?
eczema? could you ask your mom?

you would have
noticed the difference.
if we were talking i would not
have bored you with stories
about my children.

i am aware
that unless you are their
grandparent, it is torture.

did i tell you that
every friday i teach english
as a second language?
i just realized today
that by the time
the school year is over--

i will have three children
(a somalian, a japanese and a venezuelan)
speaking english with a filipino accent.
you would have laughed.

you would have told me
what made you happy.
i would have told you what
made me happy.
you would have noticed
the difference.

if you called me today i would
have told you i am
ready to euthanize him.
he keeps urinating in the house and waking me at 4 AM.

no don't tell me
he's adorable, because
he isn't.
..if you were here i would have
given him to you already.

hey, i steamed mussels for the first time!
(in white wine and garlic)
the white wine was old (1997)
i just learned that
you do not age white wine--anyhow

my brother he wanted
some, so i gave him a glass and a half
before using the rest on the mussels.
he never knew it was old wine.

you would have laughed.
if i called you today, i would have told you that i am better.