Clouds close to the ground cast shadows
makes it hard to see.
The rain doesn't help.
Like in my head,
everything looks dark with foggy lenses.
Maybe I don't weep enough.
Like an unfamiliar roller coaster ride-
Twists, turns, falls and rises.
I keep wanting to know, wanting to brace myself, wanting to control,
not wanting the pain,
wanting to make correct decisions, wanting to be brave,
not wanting the shame.
Like a play.
Once the curtains open, I follow the script, I improvise, I work with the cast.
Each performance both energizes and drains my soul.
Acting is tiring.
I pray that I am more energized than drained.
I see a break in the clouds though.
This won't last forever.
Plus, it is not leukemia,
nor an abnormal mammogram,
nor a husband moving me and my three young sons to Alabama and then asking for a divorce.