My heart was threatening to close.
But when Steve offered to take the girls to attend our nephew's First Communion in Indianapolis so I could relax here by myself--my heart opened right back up and I decided to go.
And it was not the power of reverse psychology either.
I suddenly remembered all I learned recently from the book Untethered Soul.
If we stop qualifying the conditions that will make us happy, we can actually choose to be in a constant state of happiness. We can make the choice to make happiness unconditional.
So I decided to refocus on making the 740-ish mile roundtrip an opportunity for family bonding instead of focusing on how deliciously relaxing the solitude of staying home sounded.
Energy grows when you choose to keep your heart open. I am telling you.
How to keep the heart open?
When you feel your split personality reminding you of
"what you don't enjoy" --turn away from it.
That voice that constantly reminds you of what you don't like is an energy zapper.
It is like a passive-aggressive friend that you must either get rid of, or regulate exposure to.
Focus on what you want.
I want to be with my family.
I want my children to honor family.
On our way home yesterday, my mind was at peace despite having to pry my fingers off the dashboard.
Steve's record breaking Indianapolis to Pittsburgh in 5 hours pushed me into deep prayer.
I reflected on Steve's Korean sister.
Despite the fact that she processes information differently, she gets around this and is truly committed to being the best mother she can possibly be for her 9 year old son, her Jungle Boy-like 4 year old and her precious 2 year old daughter.
I am in awe of her husband, an immigrant from Nepal --who works long hours in a gas station--who just recently moved his family into their first house.
A beautiful brand new home.
I am truly wowed by him and his open heart.
(Full disclosure: I was making a choice not to be hurt about my family not honoring mother's day for the second time in a row) they surprised me with this: