Dear Dr. Phil,
He is no longer a pleasure to me.
Although he most certainly gives me security and protection,
I believe the house alarm we have does the same.
And what of this thing called love,
I heard that love is always kind and long suffering towards others.
Well I take care of all his needs.
(ok, so maybe he is left to his own devices when it comes to hygiene)
I restrain myself from taking extended vacations,
because I am aware that he does not do well in my absence.
My fear is that I no longer love him
because I am no longer interested in enhancing his life.
Please tell me what to do about him.
signed,
The Exskindiver
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Dear Exskindiver,
There are three basic ways that we have relationships with others.
The most basic relationship is one of pleasure.
A relationship will exist when we receive pleasure out of the interaction.
Obviously, this only works if both people are gratified from the interaction.
When pleasure is no longer being experienced by either of the participants, this basic relationship will end.
Relationships can also be one of utility.
Two may enter into a relationship because each person can be of use to the other.
They both are receiving some sort of satisfaction from the interaction.
When one determines that the other is no longer useful, the interaction becomes tedious.
Oftentimes, a mismatch of "usefulness" weakens a relationship.
Finally, there is the relationship of love.
Beyond pleasure and usefulness, love survives when the needs of others are not neglected.
Life's pleasures and gifts must always be shared.
You are right, Love is always kind but I am not so sure about the long suffering part.
Love shouldn't have to hurt now should it?
The question you should ask yourself is this:
Do you think of him?
Do you exercise restrain when it comes to experiencing life because you feel it will be deprive him of his needs?
If you answer yes to these two questions, then I would say that indeed you do love him.
I don't know if this applies to you or not but Christians believe that:
The loving person never puts himself first in the interaction of love, never claiming his own share of things when it would deprive the needs of others.
Although all natural relationships are entered into so that the individual can enhance his own self, the relationship of love exists solely for the enhancement of others.
It "beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things" (1 Cor. 13:7)
Your love story with your husband Steve, is an example of how
love is the anchor of a 14 year marriage.
That said, I would say you are sh** out of luck.
Keep the dog and pray that his natural expiration will be soon forthcoming.
signed,
Dr. Phil.
_____________________________
Dear Steve,
Happy Anniversary.
I had fun with you during our
night-out last saturday.
And I am glad you are feeling better.
I love you,
and thanks for the comment you left on this blog last night.
It meant a lot to me.
I am very lucky.
-chesca
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