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Showing posts with label Guest Diver. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Guest Diver. Show all posts

7.08.2022

Our Neighbors of 27 years just moved

Mike, Linda and @lookie.lou.SHOE 

have been our next door neighbors for 27 years. They’ve been a part of every milestone of our lives. They recently sold their home and left early this morning to move 430 miles away.

Good byes can be extremely hard for me. Some more than others.

I think this move hit me particularly hard because I associate meeting our neighbors with a time of my life when I felt extremely vulnerable. 

In 1995 I was fairly new to the USA. I’m guessing their move is touching on an unhealed part of me. Most people don’t really think of  immigration as something that can cause (dare I say it) trauma. But grief is complicated.

There are two types of losses. Physical (tangible loss like dealing with death of a loved one) But the often overlooked loss is symbolic loss, which refers to abstract loss, such as loss of a homeland, status, social environment, ego strength and social identity in which many immigrants experience the most. (Picard, Migratory Grief, 2016) I was reading up on the stages of grief recently.  I learned that grief is completed in four stages: Numbness; Yearning and Searching; Disorganization and Despair and Reorganization.  DISORGANIZATION! Aha! I knew there was a reason why my house is in constant in disarray. 

Anyhow I digress. 

Last night I made a Filipino meal (Chicken Sinigang) and we had them over for dinner. We shared have some favorite stories. Silently they have witnessed the development of our ever evolving family.

They’ve seen it all.

They have been the best neighbors ever.

The new neighbors will have big SHOES to fill. They had better ESTEP it up. (A pun on their surnames)

We miss them already.



1.20.2016

On My Mind

"When you've lost a lot of people in your life, the value of a goodbye, a see you, or showing that you care really becomes a big deal.
It becomes a bigger deal as you grow older and are reminded time and again that moments are fleeting, and life is too short. Thus, when a loved one flies off to some place, or whenever at the close of a meeting, be it social or professional, make sure to give a proper send off, or a warm goodbye/see you because you never really know if there will be a next time.
Genuine love and caring means checking in on the person, like a parent does for his or her child, and vice versa; as the beloved to the loved one; as a dear friend to another. "Mom/dad, I'm home safe", "Please text when you've arrived", "Take care. Let me know as soon as you get in", "Take care. Until we meet again" are only some of the many ways to manifest that care and concern for the other.
Death, like love comes all too unexpectedly so be kind. Be constant. Be affectionate. Make each parting beautiful so that in case there is no next time, there won't be any regrets. Make the words matter. Let each moment count."
-Cathy Sanchez Babao

1.13.2016

Pondering This.

"Although I am a practiced man, versed in the language of fear, and although I have learned how to manage and manipulate my own biology in times of stress, I still fall for the false-perception the same as everyone else. When the adrenalin drops and my ancient survival mechanism commands that I run, fight, or freeze into immobility it still takes every sinew of my being not to react in the negative." -Geoff Thompson

12.17.2015

Written by Fr James Martin, SJ (from Pope Francis) "Spiritual Ailments to Avoid" (this Christmas and always)

The first is "the sickness of considering oneself 'immortal', 'immune' or 'indispensable,' neglecting the necessary and habitual controls. A Curia that is not self-critical, that does not stay up-to-date, that does not seek to better itself, is an ailing body. … It is the sickness of the rich fool who thinks he will live for all eternity, and of those who transform themselves into masters and believe themselves superior to others, rather than at their service".
The second is "'Martha-ism,' or excessive industriousness; the sickness of those who immerse themselves in work, inevitably neglecting 'the better part' of sitting at Jesus' feet. Therefore, Jesus required his disciples to rest a little, as neglecting the necessary rest leads to stress and agitation. Rest, once one who has brought his or her mission to a close, is a necessary duty and must be taken seriously: in spending a little time with relatives and respecting the holidays as a time for spiritual and physical replenishment, it is necessary to learn the teaching of Ecclesiastes, that 'there is a time for everything".'
Then there is "the sickness of mental and spiritual hardening: that of those who, along the way, lose their inner serenity, vivacity and boldness and conceal themselves behind paper, becoming working machines rather than men of God. …It is dangerous to lose the human sensibility necessary to be able to weep with those who weep and to rejoice with those who rejoice! It is the sickness of those who lose those sentiments that were present in Jesus Christ".
"The ailment of excessive planning and functionalism: this is when the apostle plans everything in detail and believes that, by perfect planning things effectively progress, thus becoming a sort of accountant. …One falls prey to this sickness because it is easier and more convenient to settle into static and unchanging positions. Indeed, the Church shows herself to be faithful to the Holy Spirit to the extent that she does not seek to regulate or domesticate it. The Spirit is freshness, imagination and innovation".
The "sickness of poor coordination develops when the communion between members is lost, and the body loses its harmonious functionality and its temperance, becoming an orchestra of cacophony because the members do not collaborate and do not work with a spirit of communion or as a team".
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"Spiritual Alzheimer's disease, or rather forgetfulness of the history of Salvation, of the personal history with the Lord, of the 'first love': this is a progressive decline of spiritual faculties, that over a period of time causes serious handicaps, making one incapable of carrying out certain activities autonomously, living in a state of absolute dependence on one's own often imaginary views. We see this is those who have lost their recollection of their encounter with the Lord … in those who build walls around themselves and who increasingly transform into slaves to the idols they have sculpted with their own hands".
"The ailment of rivalry and vainglory: when appearances, the colour of one's robes, insignia and honours become the most important aim in life. … It is the disorder that leads us to become false men and women, living a false 'mysticism' and a false 'quietism".'
Then there is "existential schizophrenia: the sickness of those who live a double life, fruit of the hypocrisy typical of the mediocre and the progressive spiritual emptiness that cannot be filled by degrees or academic honours. This ailment particularly afflicts those who, abandoning pastoral service, limit themselves to bureaucratic matters, thus losing contact with reality and with real people. They create a parallel world of their own, where they set aside everything they teach with severity to others and live a hidden, often dissolute life".
The sickness of "chatter, grumbling and gossip: this is a serious illness that begins simply, often just in the form of having a chat, and takes people over, turning them into sowers of discord, like Satan, and in many cases cold-blooded murderers of the reputations of their colleagues and brethren. It is the sickness of the cowardly who, not having the courage to speak directly to the people involved, instead speak behind their backs".
"The sickness of deifying leaders is typical of those who court their superiors, with the hope of receiving their benevolence. They are victims of careerism and opportunism, honouring people rather than God. They are people who experience service thinking only of what they might obtain and not of what they should give. They are mean, unhappy and inspired only by their fatal selfishness".
"The disease of indifference towards others arises when each person thinks only of himself, and loses the sincerity and warmth of personal relationships. When the most expert does not put his knowledge to the service of less expert colleagues; when out of jealousy … one experiences joy in seeing another person instead of lifting him up or encouraging him".
"The illness of the funereal face: or rather, that of the gruff and the grim, those who believe that in order to be serious it is necessary to paint their faces with melancholy and severity, and to treat others – especially those they consider inferior – with rigidity, hardness and arrogance. In reality, theatrical severity and sterile pessimism are often symptoms of fear and insecurity".
"The disease of accumulation: when the apostle seeks to fill an existential emptiness of the heart by accumulating material goods, not out of necessity but simply to feel secure. … Accumulation only burdens and inexorably slows down our progress".
"The ailment of closed circles: when belonging to a group becomes stronger than belonging to the Body and, in some situations, to Christ Himself. This sickness too may start from good intentions but, as time passes, enslaves members and becomes a 'cancer' that threatens the harmony of the Body and causes a great deal of harm – scandals – especially to our littlest brothers".
Then, there is the "disease of worldly profit and exhibitionism: when the apostle transforms his service into power, and his power into goods to obtain worldly profits or more power. This is the disease of those who seek insatiably to multiply their power and are therefore capable of slandering, defaming and discrediting others, even in newspapers and magazines, naturally in order to brag and to show they are more capable than others".
After listing these ailments, Pope Francis continued:
"We are therefore required, at this Christmas time and in all the time of our service and our existence – to live 'speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love".'
(This was written in December 2014. Thanks to my sister Karen for sharing it)

10.08.2015

Late Night Run Home From Wild Card Baseball Game


note: only DZ (in jeans) and I ran. The men rode a car like normal people.

9.18.2015

A Timely Letter I Received Today, (I was experiencing writer’s block) I Really Appreciated it.

Hi Chesca,

Just wanted to say that I discovered your blog today while googling for PRPC (what made me google that today of all days in so many years is beyond me).   I was there from 1984-1986 when I was 9 in the Vietnamese section.   Thank you for bringing back so many memories of the place.  We didn't have a camera back then so I only have memories.  I remember the classrooms and going to school there as a kid.  My mom worked to help dispense supplemental nutrition to malnourished kids in one of the administration buildings (usually bean soup of some sort and she got to take home extras if there was any left :)  Just a few months ago, I was telling my very comfortable daughters about how I used to carry water to the billet everyday and now I can show them pictures.   Oh how far our lives are from that today.

As a kid, I felt that we were just in limbo there waiting to move on.  It never occurred to me that life was happening all around me - like people were meeting their loves and starting new lives.  It's interesting how we had vastly different lives and trajectories back then, but today we live similar lives - comfortable, tending to our half-asian children (music lessons, ice skating, sports, etc), working on being a more peaceful/calm parent, building our marriage, trying to do good, traveling, learning and living the all american dream.  I guess it speaks to people's thirst for freedom and the power of upward mobility in America.  I often think about how vastly my life would be different if we'd never left. I really enjoyed seeing the pictures of the PRPC and reading your post about how you met.  Anyways, thanks for the trip back. 

N

9.07.2015

The Self-help Guru Wayne Dyer Reminded Me Of My Dad

They were both born on May 10th but my dad was 10 years older.
For such a devout Catholic, my dad seemed to have an unusual amount of books that dealt with self-help and cosmic juju.
My dad was into yoga before it was cool.


He taught us all how to stand on our heads--yes even my sister Karen, with the soft un-fused fontanel head--learned this at a young age.
And speaking of young age, I read a lot of my dad's books on transactional analysis, meditation and intuition before my 12th birthday. Not that I understood a thing.
Anyway, one of the books I read as a child was a book called, Your Erroneous Zones, by
Wayne Dyer.
(No, this was not a book on sex--but rather a book on changing one's negative thinking).

I few years ago, I rediscovered Wayne Dyer and hoped to even attend one his lectures one day however last week, Wayne Dyer died.
So I guess attending a lecture by him is not meant to be.
Sigh.
A quote of his I liked was:

“My belief is that the truth is a truth until you organize it, and then becomes a lie. I don’t think that Jesus was teaching Christianity, Jesus was teaching kindness, love, concern, and peace. What I tell people is don’t be Christian, be Christ-like. Don’t be Buddhist, be Buddha-like.”
~Wayne Dyer

While I am in fact a Christian (and a Catholic) I am not blind and do not think that mere identifying with a group leads to everlasting peace.  As I attempt to be Christ-like in my life today, I also try not to judge what other believe in. (well except when it comes to my family. I am still trying to coerce them)

Other Wayne Dyer quotes that I like:

"If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change."

“How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.”

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.”

“Conflict can not survive without your participation.”

“You can not be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with.”

With everything that has happened to you, you can either feel sorry for yourself or treat what has happened as a gift. Everything is either an opportunity to grow or an obstacle to keep you from growing. You get to choose.”

“All blame is a waste of time. No matter how much fault you find with another, and regardless of how much you blame him, it will not change you.  The only thing blame does is to keep the focus off you when you are looking for external reasons to explain your unhappiness or frustration.  You may succeed in making another feel guilty about something by blaming him, but you won’t succeed in changing whatever it is about you that is making you unhappy.”

“Your children will see what you’re all about by what you live rather than what you say.”

“It makes no sense to worry about things that you have no control over because there’s nothing you can do about them, and why worry about things you do control? The activity of worrying keeps you immobilized.”

“Begin to see yourself as a soul with a body rather than a body with a soul.”

-Wayne Dyer May 10, 1940-August 30, 2015

7.10.2015

The Immersion


muddied feet were bare
river Crossed on stepping stones 
she waited on me.

----------------------
My friend Chip just recently returned from a remote village in Haiti.
He and his daughter (and about 17 others) spent a week sleeping on cots in a cinder block building.
Every morning they would pack up and clear the area to make way for their makeshift clinic.

When I was growing up in the Philippines I knew some people that really immersed themselves in the lives of people they wanted to help.
They believed immersion to be a necessary step for helping impoverished areas.
They found it more effective to  first build relationships with a community by living with them and then working side by side to improve a situation.
When Chip described their accommodations in Haiti, I got reminded of this word: immersion.

-----
Chip told me a story about how one hot afternoon he and his group were walking from one village to another, through the heat and harsh terrain.
Not an easy trek, their varied capabilities ambled on a couple of miles.
Tired, thirsty and deliriously sticky they came to a muddy river crossing.
They removed their shoes to cross over.
One of the local villagers walking with them waded into the waters beside the rocks they were on.
Tucking her long flowing skirt into her waist band, she gestured and spoke Creole-French and beckoned each one to her so that she could wash their muddy feet before making it to the other side.
I asked Chip if it was possible to have declined the foot wash? (I was imagining Steve in this situation, wondering what Steve's options would have been.)
Chip said,  "She compelled you."
This woman did her own immersion.
It was such a humbling act of love and service--
As I listened to this story I could not help but think of how symbolic and Christ-like this woman's actions were. (John 13:14)
I was awed.
As they were giving, they were given.
They experienced church,
in the river crossing somewhere in between two remote villages in Haiti.

7.09.2015

Sometimes When I Feel like Writing,

I end up reading instead.
I just read this old essay written by someone I knew a lifetime ago.
(Carl and I  worked in the same Refugee camp in the Philippines.  
Carl's son was one of my pre-school students.)
I like how Carl writes.
His essay here:

Coincidentally also today, another former preschooler of mine from that same class shared a video of her dad's work at a refugee camp in Sudan.
The man narrating and shown speaking in this video is David.
I met David over 23 years ago through my sister Karen.
They too also worked at that camp in the Philippines.
David dragged me to introduce me to people encouraged me to apply for the job to be the in-house
pre-school teacher at that refugee camp.
If it were not for David, I would have probably not  ever have met Steve, whom I met at the camp.
But I digress.
David now works with IOM in Sudan.
Watching this video does a few things to me:
1. It makes me grateful for my life today despite the (air quotes) challenges I experience.
2. It makes me admire people that really put themselves out there to help others.  Whether it's near or far.  (Just last week 3 dads I know went on mission trips with their daughters.)
3. It makes me wish that I did something for the world.

Watch the video here

While we are on the subject of doing something for others, my friend Chip told me a story from his mission trip. My next post is about that.

6.22.2015

NPL (New Phrase Learned)

Today I learned from my friend Kay the phrase:

"hoisted by one's own petard"

(idiomatic) To be hurt or destroyed by one's own plot or device intended for another; to be "blown up by one's own bomb".
He has no one to blame but himself; he was hoisted by his own petard.


I love it when I learn something new without even leaving my bed.

12.11.2012

11.08.2012

(waving from afar)

It is not a contest to see if I can stay away.
But it is an effort--as I said, I love writing here.

I am still on Blog Break, but I thought I would just stop in and deposit a few ruminations I read
(from Aaron Karo) that made me laugh out loud:

*It's amazing how much "baggage" you're willing to over-look once you have some of your own.

*The dermatologist's nurse  told me to take off my shorts and leave my underwear on. Scribble down a quick note for next time: wear underwear to the dermatologist.

*Who is the idiot that decided search histories should be saved?

*Why does coffee smell so good in your cup but so bad on someone's breath?

*If a man serving a life sentence dies in prison, but only to be revived minutes later, has he served his sentence?

*Did you know that a large group of baboons is called a congress? That explains a lot now doesn't it?

*No matter how nice it is outside, I've never felt like I've wasted part of the day by taking a nap.

*I don't care how much you like the soap-NEVER be caught smelling your fingers while walking out of a public restroom.


6.06.2007

Dona Nobis Pacem






See how it all started with Mimi's grandfather here.
see another peace globe here
and here.

2.23.2007

What are you Grateful for?

Last night on Grey's anatomy, Cristina's character stood at the foot of her best friend's bed willing her to live.
Considering that this is exactly what I did nine years ago, I thought that I would not be able to watch this scene--especially when the TV version does not end up the way my version did.
However, this is what I have discovered:
Whether it is a failed relationship, a dismal career move, a death or a traumatic experience--

I am learning that human minds heal when we allow our attention to shift to positive things.


I will let my memory of my friend rest for another year...but before I do that, allow me to post one more poem written by my friend Benj.

(For Elaine who would have turned 40 today)


this is the moment
that we breathe in

from the countless
hurried minutes
of an endless
harried day
this is the moment

this is the moment
that we breathe in

the fret of mind
and dark of soul
are left behind
for one long pause
for sight, and sound and scent

this is the moment
that we breathe in

when you
at peace
in dream
in sleep
remind us that
this is
you are
we now must be
in this fleeting moment
breathing fully be

-by Benjie de la Pena

2.21.2007

Peace

picass0, dove 1949

I haven't considered peace much lately I know
I've gotten too used to war.
In the papers, one man says to another
you can't have this if you don't give
this or this or even that to me. And the other man
laughs instead of cries. He knows,
it's just a game where words can alter
the shape of another man's country. I know

I haven't wept enough
over the bones of their children or the dogs abandoned by
the widows. They line the streets in other
places not here, and other countries I see
remote as the stars that circle
round our planet. I know
my tears are nothing but water and salt and
yet my hand stays open, I know.

by Peggy

1.19.2007

The First Born


Unlocking Your Personality – What Birth Order Says About You
Written by: Nicole Teague
CIGNA Behavioral Health

Have you ever wondered why you are the way you are? What is it that makes you…you? Unfortunately, there is no clear-cut answer to this question. However, many things are said to have an effect on personality –genes, parents, location, friends, and the list goes on. Another factor that is said to have an influence on personality is birth order. In other words, your position in your family – for example, whether you are a middle child or the only child – has an effect on the kind of person that you become.

We’ve all heard about someone acting like “the baby of the family” or like “an only child”. But where does this idea come from? Much research has been done over the years on birth order, and as a result, certain characteristics have been identified based on your position in your family.

How do you fit in?
Below are some of the typical characteristics of the major birth order positions. Which characteristics do you identify with? How accurately do the characteristics of your birth order position describe you? What about the people you know?

(Information obtained from University of Maine Cooperative Extension, 2005.)

First-Born Children
First-born children are often looked up to by others, and as a result, automatically take on a role of leadership. However, along with this leadership comes the pressure to succeed. Parents are often the most strict with first-born children, and expect them to "set an example" for younger siblings.

First-born children tend to...

* Be perfectionists
* Enjoy making other people happy
* Be highly motivated to achieve success
* Take on a leadership role
* Be responsible
* Feel jealous or neglected when younger siblings arrive as a result of no longer being the center of attention

Middle-Born Children
Middle-born children often tend to feel left out, as if they don’t have a “place” in the family. However, being “stuck in the middle” often results in these individuals being skilled at compromising and getting along with others.

Middle born children tend to...

* Be more rebellious than their siblings
* Adapt easily to any situation
* Play the role of mediator, and prefer compromise to conflict
* Develop skills or talents not shared by siblings- for example, if an older sibling is a star athlete, a middle born child may focus on music for their talent
* Be the most varied of all of the birth positions – for example, he or she may be friendly and outgoing, or shy and quiet

Last-Born Children
Last-born children are often known as the “baby” of the family. Because they are used to having other people do things for them, they often have difficulty with making decisions and taking responsibility.

Last-born children tend to...

* Be outgoing
* Have the ability to “charm” others
* Feel inferior to siblings
* Be considered spoiled, demanding, or impatient
* Develop abilities that older siblings don’t have (see Middle-born children)
* Remain “The Baby” of the family- by expecting others to do things for them, make decisions, and take responsibility

Only Children
Only children tend to have a lot of the same characteristics as first-born children. As a result of gaining undivided attention from parents, only children are often considered to be self-centered. Because they never had to learn to share or overcome conflicts with brothers or sisters, they are often described as selfish and not easily forgiving of themselves or others.

Only children tend to...

* Be well-organized, or perfectionists
* Be comfortable with responsibility
* Not take criticism well
* Be comfortable with being the center of attention
* Be responsible

Not so fast...
Predicting personality based on birth order is not as simple as one may think. There are many exceptions that can have an effect on how much birth order plays a role in determining personality. Some of these factors are listed below:

* Gender
* Blended families
* Adoption
* Multiples (for example, twins or triplets)
* How many children are in the family
* Spacing of children (for example, whether 1 year or 9 years separate siblings)

To understand how these factors can impact the characteristics of birth order, consider the following example: if a child is born 15 years after their sibling, he or she may identify with more of the characteristics of a first-born child because they did not encounter the same situations that someone with a sibling only 2 years older than them would have experienced.

When considering how birth order affects personality, it is important to remember that every person may not be able to easily “fit” into a particular category. Parents can help to prevent their children from being “stereotyped” by attempting to view them as unique individuals and avoiding comparing them with their siblings.

References
University of Maine Cooperative Extension. (2005). Birth Order Helps Make Us Unique.

11.20.2006

The the Impotence of Proofreading

By Taylor Mali


Has this ever happened to you?
You work very horde on a paper for English clash
And then get a very glow raid (like a D or even a D=)
and all because you are the word¹s liverwurst spoiler.
Proofreading your peppers is a matter of the the utmost impotence.

This is a problem that affects manly, manly students.
I myself was such a bed spiller once upon a term
that my English teacher in my sophomoric year,
Mrs. Myth, said I would never get into a good colleague.
And that¹s all I wanted, just to get into a good colleague.
Not just anal community colleague,
because I wouldn¹t be happy at anal community colleague.
I needed a place that would offer me intellectual simulation,
I really need to be challenged, challenged dentally.
I know this makes me sound like a stereo,
but I really wanted to go to an ivory legal collegue.
So I needed to improvement
or gone would be my dream of going to Harvard, Jail, or Prison
(in Prison, New Jersey).

So I got myself a spell checker
and figured I was on Sleazy Street.

But there are several missed aches
that a spell chukker can¹t can¹t catch catch.
For instant, if you accidentally leave a word
your spell exchequer won¹t put it in you.
And God for billing purposes only
you should have serial problems with Tori Spelling
your spell Chekhov might replace a word
with one you had absolutely no detention of using.
Because what do you want it to douch?
It only does what you tell it to douche.
You¹re the one with your hand on the mouth going clit, clit, clit.
It just goes to show you how embargo
one careless clit of the mouth can be.

Which reminds me of this one time during my Junior Mint.
The teacher read my entire paper on A Sale of Two Titties
out loud to all of my assmates.
I¹m not joking, I¹m totally cereal.
It was the most humidifying experience of my life,
being laughed at pubically.

So do yourself a flavor and follow these two Pisces of advice:
One: There is no prostitute for careful editing.
And three: When it comes to proofreading,
the red penis your friend.

10.21.2006

Thought for the day













Shawn Hainsworth

self portrait

"You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central and crucial in a life - is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never lose."

Jo Coudert