Skindiving

Blues Busting

2012-01-27T14:33:00.001-05:00

It Is When I am Feeling A Bit Off That I Start Questioning The Existence Of God.

2012-01-26T11:45:00.001-05:00

What does that say about me?
It is dreary, wet and cold here today and I find it quite challenging to see how that can be considered a blessing.
When life is going well, I am quite aware and secure in the presence of God but when I am low, I start pondering and doubting.
This story about an 18 year old's experience with death
made me read THIS today. And then it made me think about
my own nephew's experience with death and it has helped redirect me.
I am going to change this trait of being such a fair-weathered pray-er.
I shall start by praying for fairer weather.

The Benefits of Broadcasting One's Life Online Is That

2012-01-23T13:40:00.012-05:00

I can show 'proof of life' to people that care, like my mother (Hi Mom!)
There is also some satisfaction I get from knowing that every time I conquer something, I compile a journal of success stories that help strengthen me.
The mere act of writing here means that I am out of bed...except when I use my cell phone to blog.
But even then, pecking out posts while underneath the covers is still a good sign.

Taking the girls on A Ski Trip despite how miserable I am in the cold weather and skiing with them while actually having fun, is extremely satisfying.
I celebrate being upright
(especially on skis.)
Last friday's Quick Road Trip is more proof.
Driving through sleet, snow and icy conditions--we picked a really bad time to travel.
There is truly no method to our madness.
Steve's sister Julie had given birth in the first week of December.
She had been hoping that
Our Holiday travels would include a visit to her third baby but because she lives in the opposite direction of where we were headed, we were unable to make the trip.
However, the moment a 24 hour window opened up for us to make the 700+ mile trip, nothing, not even a winter storm, got in our way.

*Compartmentalize

*Prioritize

*Develop a responsible blind eye but do not procrastinate.

It feels really really good to just do things, no matter how daunting the task may be.

I find that if I compartmentalize what is in front of me and tackle things section by section, I am less likely to be unmotivated or frozen.
Also, I find that prioritizing and learning to turn a blind eye on things that happen in-real-time, also helps me avoid being overwhelmed.
The other day strong winds ripped a part of our porch awning but I decided to simply look away.
I can't have it fixed right now in the dead of winter--so I will not let it bog me down.
It is important to note though that the 'blind eye/look away' technique can also backfire if you are not careful.
For example I "looked away" from two sealed envelopes that happened to be life insurance bills that were loooooong overdue. Not good.
Luckily, Steve nor I did not die.
On the contrary I continue to attack life with prayer,
physical and mental exercise,
and a support system in-real-life and online.
Life is good.

Now unless another invitation to
a roller skating rink comes,

I shall stop procrastinating and put away all these Christmas decorations already.

Mom, the phrases highlighted in blue are links to my pictures.

They are my proof of life.

I have nine minutes to write this.

2012-01-20T11:02:00.003-05:00

11:00 AM
I have been having the most unbelievably absent minded morning that is putting a strain on my relationship with St. Anthony.
St. Anthony, for you heathens out there, is the Patron saint of lost things.
I lost my right glove twice in one morning.
Found it the first time but lost it again during my trip to the grocery store after dropping the girls off at school.
Had to back track for it the second time and found it right by the sushi counter.
Lost my cell phone, went back into the grocery store,
Found it.
Went to Target, but at the check-out lost my wallet.
Found it in the car.
Went back into Target.
Now in the parking lot--
Getting ready to drive to the other side of town (my no man's land) to have lunch with a friend and her newborn baby.
I wonder who the Patron Saint of reluctant drivers is?
Will write when I get back.

3:00 PM:
About to load one dog and 2 girls to drive 28 miles to yet another part of the city to meet Steve and together drive 350+ miles for a quick overnight trip to visit another newborn baby.

Remember when I said that I was learning to say yes to life?
I was not kidding.
Have a great weekend folks.
Be Well.

...this email was sent hastily by chesca from her cell phone.

2012-01-18T10:55:00.003-05:00

2012-01-13T10:51:00.000-05:00

Live blogging with dread.

2012-01-13T08:09:00.003-05:00

Save yourself the time.
I already know how I am going to end this post.
I will conquer the undesirable.
I am going to do it.
I will have fun.
I will pat myself on the back in a congratulatory way.

Intro:
My mother is deathly afraid of dogs but I did not know it. We always had dogs.
Always.
And now as a grown woman, I have an insane love for my dog Pax.

Last night.
Kika, Gabi and I raced against a snow storm.
The ominous weather advisory computer generated voice Interrupting the tween music blaring on the radio every so often was not too comforting.
(both the music and the warnings)
I drove fast and won.
That victory should have been able to tuck me in bed and allow restful sleep but it did not.
I kept creeping out of bed to look out the window.
I swear I could HEAR the snow falling at 3 AM.
5 AM and it sounds like the snow has a sound track.
It's 7 AM and a blanket of snow has covered the ground.

This morning.
I am tired from lack of sleep.
It's still snowing and it is extremely COLD out there.
I am dreading today.
The girls and I are not home.
Our victorious race was not to my warm bed but to meet Carole King (not the singer) and her family.
We are a couple of hours from home at a ski resort.
I was informed by Carole that the steady hum of snow falling that kept me up all night was the sound of snow making machines.
The resort was manufacturing more snow just to be sure that people had enough snow to cushion their fall.
We are going to ski.
Everyone in this house is excited.
Everyone but me.

I don't think I want to ski.
I especially do not want to ski in the middle of a snow storm.

But the pictures we will take today won't show that.
I will put on waterproof mascara and mug for the camera.
I will smile and woohoo it.
I will be enthusiastic.

Like my mother faking being a dog lover, which made me a dog lover---
I want my children to inherit a zest for living.

This is why I do it.
Yay me.

Old Farmer's Advice (thanks Stephanie)

2012-01-11T09:04:00.002-05:00

* Your fences need to be horse-high, pig-tight and bull-strong. *

*Keep skunks and bankers at a distance.*

*Life is simpler when you plow around the stump.*

* A bumble bee is considerably faster than a John Deere tractor.*

* Words that soak into your ears are whispered...not yelled.*

* Meanness don't jes' happen overnight.*

* Forgive your enemies. It messes up their heads.*

* Do not corner something that you know is meaner than you.*

* It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge.*

* You cannot unsay a cruel word.*

* Every path has a few puddles.*

* When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty.*

* The best sermons are lived, not preached.*

* Most of the stuff people worry about ain't never gonna happen anyway.*

* Don't judge folks by their relatives.*

* Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.*

* Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.*

* Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't bothering you none.*

* Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a Rain dance.*

* If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'..*

* Sometimes you get, and sometimes you get got.*

* The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with, watches you from the mirror every mornin'.*

* Always drink upstream from the herd.*

* Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.*

* Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back in.*

* If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.*

* Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply.*
*Speak kindly.*

Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight,
he'll just kill you..

My Brother Ayo Woke Me This Morning By Calling Me On My Cell Phone.

2012-01-02T18:43:00.003-05:00

It was 7 AM on a day that the girls and I did not need to get up early. (school holiday)
He worked the night shift at the hospital and as if this were the most normal of routines, his opening line was:
"I'm almost there."
I stumbled out of bed to meet him at the door.
He and I had not had the opportunity to celebrate 'New Year' together because of his work.
He acted like we had made a date for the morning of January 2nd, (we hadn't) and since I had neither the energy nor heart to let on that my morning snooze was disturbed, we proceeded to visit without skipping a beat.
I fed him left over sushi, left over crab rangoon, two beers and a cup of tea--while I had two cups of coffee and a cookie.
We did our usual debriefing and post-holiday analysis, skirting around downers and propping each other up with trite resolutions and funny anecdotes.
One of his stories involved an older lady friend that accidentally passed gas in front of him and my SIL.
The friend quickly owned up to it and apologized.
It was at this point in the story that Ayo shared one of his gems.
To alleviate her embarrassment, he said this to her:
This is merely confirmation that you are alive, after all,
dead people don't fart.

This afternoon I was eating a delicious bowl of home made beef and cabbage soup while reading an email from my friend Carole King, not the singer.
She sent me the link to the
TED Talk by Brene Brown about vulnerability.
In a nutshell:
Brown's research teaches that choosing to shield ourselves from vulnerability by retreating, being quiet and being distant does not really protect us. Even if we find it terrifying to put ourselves out there, the alternative is not any better. If we choose to perform our way out of vulnerability (guilty) or choose rage, criticism, shame or blame--apparently, they all lead to disengagement and disconnection.
I understand this to mean:
Embrace vulnerability!
Brown says, "vulnerability is not easy, but it's the surest sign that we've come alive."

I have had copious amounts of cabbage that is going to give me a ton of gas.
I enter 2012 at a time of my life when I feel most vulnerable.
Both My brother Ayo and Brene Brown say that it means that I am alive.

I am alive.

1984

2011-12-20T12:12:00.004-05:00

I went far away for my freshman year.
By far I mean, an hour away due to the congested city roads of the very populated Manila.
My initial course of study was Physical Therapy and the program was offered in the original University of the Philippines campus situated in the heart of Manila nestled between the Supreme Court and the Department of Justice. My father practiced law not far from there and because of this, it was not uncommon for him to kindly orchestrate his schedule in order to give me a ride to or from school.
On days that he could not give me a ride, I would catch a standing-room-only, non air-conditioned, wooden windowed type De-Dios bus home. It was not super pleasant.

One afternoon, my dad's schedule unexpectedly opened up. He decided to intercept my passage home and offer me the luxury of a seat in his trusty blue Volkswagen Beetle. Without the advanced cell phone technology to flag me down, he wandered around the university in search of his free spirited freshman daughter.
He stopped not a few co-eds inquiring, "Do you know Chesca Silva? do you know where I can find her?"
He had a few leads, but was unsuccessful in tracking me down.

When I emerged from my last class of the day, I was steeling myself for the stuffy De-Dios bus ride home when people started stopping me in the hallway to say:
"Chesca, do not take the bus today, your dad will pick you up."
"Are you Chesca Silva? Your dad is going to give you a ride home."
Not one or two people mind you--but a passel of people.
Even my Spanish Professor called out: "Senorrrrrita Silva yourrrrr Papa will fetch you today!"
Don't get me wrong, although I was happy to hear this, I was also morbidly intrigued to know how this information was disseminated.
Finally as I approached the main entrance to the campus I saw it.
My father had appropriated a rather large chalkboard and had written:

CHESCA,
DO NOT RIDE THE BUS TODAY.
I WILL PICK YOU UP.
-DADDY

Resourceful, focused and apparently shameless.
Parents will do what they need to do if they think it will benefit their children.

Indiscretions and Rectal Injury

2011-12-13T14:38:00.000-05:00

There is not that much blood present in Pax's stools but he still has diarrhea.

Needless to say my kitchen floor is cleaner than it has ever been due to the daily scrubbing I subject it to before my morning coffee.

My dog swallowed part of a beef bone and since then, has had major accidents every. single. day.
For five days now.

I googled bloody stools.

And apparently dietary indiscretions like ingesting bones may scrape the lower intestinal lining or the rectum as they make their way out onto my kitchen floor.
I sifted through the soupy poop and found the culprit.

So the good news is, my kitchen floor is so clean you can eat off of it.
The bad news? the hands that prepare your food? Questionable.

Turn! Turn! Turn!

2011-12-09T11:42:00.003-05:00

Was the title of the Byrds album released on December 6, 1965.
¸.♩.. .♬´¯`♬¸¸.♩...♬´¯`♬¸¸.♩..
To Everything (Turn, Turn, Turn)
There is a season (Turn, Turn, Turn)
And a time to every purpose, under Heaven
-The Byrds

On December 6, 2011, we were headed home from our trip.

When Kika and Gabi were very little, my in-laws invited us to go to Disneyworld.
We declined-- with a promise to our children that we would take them when they were older, like 6 and 8 years old.
Five years ago they turned 6 and 8.
However, five years ago, although Kika and Gabi may have been ready to go, their parents were not.
There is a personality type that is able to "Do Disney" with young children.
And there is certainly a "Couple Type" as well.
To fill this trip* with happy memories, the parents accompanying the children must:
-Be Selfless
-Be Patient
-Be Flexible
-Be in Good Physical Condition
-Work Well as a team
-Be Enthusiastic about Life (singsong voice may be de rigueur)
-Be able to smile and capable of having fun

♬...A time to be born, a time to die.. .♬
This year, for Gabi's birthday-- Steve and I decided that it was the right time to
make that trip to Disney World.
As we walked and sprinted around FIVE amusement parks in FOUR days
(capital letters means yes, I am shouting)
as we waited in lines, as we were jostled in crowds of people,
as we asked our children and each other what we wanted to see, do, and eat--
I realized that there was just no way that Steve and I could have done this five years ago.
Five years ago life was different.
Five years ago, I was depressed.
If I believe in God (which I do) and I believe that God has a fixed and appointed time for every one of us to ~~muddle~~ live through each experience of our life, then this voyage to the Big D
(Disney, not Depression) makes a whole lot of sense.

The Byrds' song played in my head as I realized the veracity of Solomon's wisdom when he wrote in the Book of Ecclesiastes,
"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven."(Ecclesiastes 3:1)
_________________________________
*the word trip can be interchanged with the phrase family life.

¯`♬¸¸.♩...A time for peace, I swear it's not too late....♬´¯`♬¸¸.♩.♬

As I Turned 45 I Pondered This Essay Shared to Me By My Nephew Mihali:

2011-12-08T11:14:00.000-05:00

Top Five Regrets of the Dying
By Bronnie Ware

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learned never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people have had not honored even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way.

From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed.
They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.

Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
Often they would not truly realize the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier
This is a surprisingly common one.

Many did not realize until the end that happiness is a choice.

They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

Life is a choice. It is YOUR life.
Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly.
Choose happiness.

7th Grade Basketball Team and Kanye West

2011-11-28T09:01:00.089-05:00

I am still in low batt mode from the Thanksgiving Weekend.
I would have finished recharging except the Kanye West concert that I found myself in (against my will) has set me back a few days.
The happenstance that brought a bunch of 7th grade Catholic girls and an international rap star together had the media wondering and this is why I was asked to speak to Scott Mervis, the writer from the Post Gazette that covers the pop music scene around here.
His post here.

Scott left out the part where I ranted (yes, rant would be apropos) about how quickly these girls, my daughter included, forget Kanye's knack for ranting every time things do not go his way.
I am all about expanding my musical palette and being open to new experiences but I realize that one dimension of myself that remains unchanged is my low tolerance for people that seem to go out of their way to make others uncomfortable.
I don't like it.
And you know what I did about it?
I chaperoned a gaggle of girls to the Kanye West concert.
I am principled like that. Or afraid of 7th grade girls.

Monday Before Thanksgiving

2011-11-21T12:59:00.004-05:00

File This Under "Could Be Funny"

I lagged behind the kids this morning. By the time I got behind the wheel, Kika had an odd expression on her face. I could not read this face.
It looked like guilt, apprehension or uncertainty.
Then, I glanced down at what she was calmly re-wrapping in her hands.
It was a half-eaten sandwich from last friday's lunch. She had discovered it in her book bag while waiting for me to drive her to school.
Without breaking eye contact with me, eyebrows cocked tentatively, she slowly finished chewing the remnants in her mouth.
"Is that... is that leftover lunch from last friday?" I asked her.
She nodded.
Then she said, "I don't know why but when I saw it, I suddenly decided to eat it, then, I thought...maybe it is not such a good idea??" (she finished this statement with a question mark)
She was referencing the possibility of food poisoning.
Because I am training myself in the art of not over-reacting I shrugged and said,
"nah--it's a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, right? All components do not require refrigeration."
She said, "No? (again with the question mark) It was a Tuna Sandwich."

I nearly veered off the road and screeched, "TUNA!!! and MAYONNAISE???!!"

Then, I collected myself and because I am re-training myself in the art of not over-reacting I said:
"you know, both Tuna and Mayonnaise can last years in storage without refrigeration. Plus, if you've inherited my third world stomach---you'll be fine."
As we approached the school Kika said to me,
"I don't know if this is just in my head, but I am beginning to feel a bit sick."
I reassured her by telling her that I would pick her up early from school if her nausea progressed.
She reassured me by telling me that she would call, but only if she vomits.

It is almost 1 pm and I have not gotten a phone call.
This is a relief for no other reason than the fact that I did not want to divulge that my straight A student decided to bite into a salmonella infused tuna sandwich right after breakfast.
Yes, I do not want to be embarrassed.
Yes, it is all about me.

I've Just Purchased Not One But Two Q-Rak Dual Bike Racks For My Garage Clean Up Project.

2011-11-17T11:11:00.004-05:00

I ordered it online, and now have to put my desire for instant gratification on hold and wait a few days for it. Supposedly even a monkey can install it. Will let you know if in fact I am smarter than a monkey.

"Let's Just Ride"

Is a line that my sister Karen told me that a friend of hers says, every time there is any sort of spotlight grabbing or credit nabbing that creeps into the various cycling organizations she interacts with.
Whether it is a large or small group of people--no matter why people are brought together, whether by choice or necessity--human nature inevitably kicks in.
It is often said that money is the root of all evil but really, is it?
Isn't envy the root of all evil?

Envy is my downfall.

It is when I keep the door to my mind ajar for negative thoughts to enter that problems start.
Any time I am around people that start "venting," I find that I either need to excuse myself or bluntly ask them to stop
--not because I am such a principled person but because I am not strong-willed enough to shut the door to negativity once it starts.
High in my mental negativity column is my tendency to be envious of others.
Don't get me wrong--it is not material things I covet.
It is certain intangible aspects and qualities of life that I crave that are too raw for me to even write about on this blog.

(Deep breath)

Speaking of cravings at this very moment, my Chicago sister is quitting cigarettes and my Australian brother is quitting alcohol. My thoughts are with them as they wrestle with hard hitting toxins.
And me? I am quitting too.
I am trying to give up anger, envy and insecurity.
For today, any time a negative urge or thought threatens to dwell in my head I redirect my attention to the fact that life is a journey full of uphills, downhills, twists, turns, and an occasional flat tire.
I take a deep breath and tell myself to
"Just Effing Ride."

:)

I did all the laundry yesterday (but have not folded it yet)

2011-11-15T14:58:00.001-05:00

My bedsheets were beginning to feel butt crumbs-y.
I took Pax to the vet where they RAVED about his physique.
All muscle no fat.
A waistline!
(pet pride)
My high from the visit to the vet led me and Pax to drive past my normal radius and buy a printer (yes a third one).
For almost a year now, we have been relying on a nearby Staples Store, or the kids' school teachers or the kids' friends' mothers for our printing needs.
I think the reason it took me this long to buy another one is, because I could not believe that the newish second one broke too.
Funny how when denial kicks in, lethargy happens.
I splurged for the warranty but asked if they can write in an agreement that if this new printer breaks too, then I have the right to a replacement but only if I can throw this third one through their glass window.

Last saturday I was able to watch the Pacquiao-Marquez fight with some friends from around here but also with 5 siblings from around the world.
Using Google plus' video capabilities (under the tutelage of SFO bro Ted)
I was able to "share" the fight with siblings from Manila, California, Australia and Rochester.
Despite the controversy regarding the fight (which btw, is such BS) the highlight of it for me was the simulcast from my kitchen.
I really enjoyed having all of them as a captive virtual audience.
I could block the screen at anytime and command their attention.
A far cry from life growing up with them.
Hhhhm.....it's all becoming clear to me now.
A blog friend of mine shared a quote from the author Sandra Kring:
"If you want to find yourself but don't know where to look, search for who you were before you were told to sit down and shut up; there will be your spirit. Search for the traits you both admire and abhor;
there will be your nature. Search for what you give away; there will be your needs. Search for what brings you to life; there will be your heart. Search everywhere; there will be Self trying to find its way home."

Pretty powerful stuff.

I am no longer premenstrual--just my normal cranky self as I tackle (heroically in my head) mothering tasks, haircuts, maintenance, science projects, shuttling obligations, etc.
I am trying to organize my gadgets.
I used up all the memory on both my phone and my mac because I am addicted to taking pictures.
In order to whats-the-word--upgrade the operating system of my phone,
I needed to back it up.
But I had no space in my computer to do so.
So you know what I did?
I did not care.
When thingy came up saying I would lose my media if I continued, I pressed: Continue!!
And as of right now I have not yet figured out what I lost.
Must not be that important, right?
So now my phone is up-to-date.
Complete with its own clouds.

I am trying to use this iCloud as storage but it is saying that it is going to take HOURS to float my stuff up to some virtual storage facility.

So while waiting, I have been clearing out in-real-life storage: my garage.

I'm hoping to make room for me to actually park a car one of these days.

I am telling you, cleaning is good for the mind.

As I clean, I clear out my brain

all while sending stuff to iGod to store.

I'm hoping to make enough room for me to park my soul.

And now I shall fold the laundry.

Saw This

2011-11-14T08:05:00.001-05:00

(thanks jeffrey)

And laughed my head off.
Then Gabi saw it too.
Then she started giggling, saying--
"I just got it!"
I looked at her thinking: you're 10, how is it that you are getting this.
But in the interest of self preservation and denial (my own) I decided to just let it go.
Not everything has to be a sing-song teachable moment.

Shotgun Approach To Life

2011-11-11T09:00:00.045-05:00

I went to an acupuncturist last Friday with my friend CK, not the singer.
First-born turned 13 last Saturday. We got her a cellphone that she is ecstatic about.
Had Reiki performed on me on Sunday by my friend M.
Had Monday morning coffee with a friend K.
Left-overs for lunch and a 3 mile walk after at DZ's house still on a Monday.
2.59 mi dog walking and coffee with another newish friend, Tuesday.
Washed and folded 2 loads of laundry.
Bathed 1 smelly dog.
Vacuumed 1 house.
Did civic duty of voting with 1 husband and then went to our local watering hole where we met newish friend and her husband.
WEDNESDAY I did something huge.
So huge, I almost need three weeks to either get over this decision or prepare for what we are about to do in connection with what I did on wednesday. (explanation coming, hang on)
And then to assist me in either the getting over or the preparation, I agreed to meet SL and do the prayer walk in the evening. As the girls and I were leaving we discovered that our car was blocked in, so we hurriedly bundled up against the crisp fall eve to walk briskly the 1.20 mi distance to the labyrinth in order to make our date.
We had no pie to eat after but I did have a delicious pot of chicken adobo that I made.
Then before sleeping I watched a depressing
documentary called Marathon Boy.
It is about Budhia, a child from India--who is the world's youngest marathon runner.
(this movie is not for the emotionally fragile)
Thursday, which was yesterday, despite the cold morning, I walked Pax a mile and a half.
I also crocheted and video chatted with my Manila sister K, in the morning.
I found a kennel for smelly dog, but in preparation for his stay there, had to make an appointment with his vet.
And then I listened to about 4 or 5
TED talks (highly recommend!)
One speaker was a guy who was in the Hudson river plane crash.
Another speaker talked about his experiment to try something for 30 days straight in order to learn something new or change behavior.
While another speaker was a ceo of SFO hotel chain that emphasized the importance of human relationships, compassion and the importance of Gross National Happiness over Gross Domestic Product
Then I napped.
When I woke, I spoke on the phone with my Chicago sister P.
Cooked a big pot of soup.
Had a bev with JB.

Today is Friday. 11-11-11.
Already I have spent a few minutes with CK-
And I am about to get dressed to attend a Veteran's Day celebration at the kids' school.
Kika is playing her flute.
I am very very very very very very very pre-menstrual but I am determined to keep going.
Then tonight I am going to see
a benefit concert with M, DZ and Steve.
My shotgun approach to life is to try everything accessible to me in order to facilitate this.
Starting with the long hot shower that I am about to take.

Be Well.

It All Makes Sense To Me Now. (A long post)

2011-11-03T13:22:00.007-04:00

I have been going through a few rough spots lately.
And when I am not busy being self-absorbed, I have been worrying about people I love.
When I stress or get overwhelmed, I find that concentrating on something other than what I am worrying about- is extremely helpful.
So, As part of my self imposed therapy, I have started crocheting.
Crocheting.
I know.
Who knew?
I had no idea that I could crochet until recently.
My daughters' friend Julia was learning to crochet.
Her interest, sparked the interest in my two daughters and so they asked me if I could purchase crocheting supplies for them.
One day, on our way to cross country practice, I bought a couple of hooks and a few balls of yarn. Recalling an art class from when I was 10, I showed them how to do a basic chain.
It was while teaching them how to crochet, that I suddenly found an odd sense of peace, settling within me.
There is something about the repetitive motion of hooking and plotting of loops that engages my brain in a way that distracts me from anxiety.
I find that by maintaining eye contact with nothing else but the knots I create with my own hands, I am able to block out the chaos of life live-streaming around me.
Then I discovered that if I pray while I am crocheting, it just ratchets up the peace in my mind.
It was while crocheting that I had a revelation about my dad and his unceasing ability to pray.

My dad was constantly muttering blessings, salutations, prayers and intentions.

Always with a rosary at the ready,

He would say the rosary not just once a day, but at times, many many times a day.

I never really understood why he did this.

I thought that chanting rote memorized words could not possibly be effective in reaching his intended audience.

However, with this new gift--yes, I do consider crocheting a gift--
My hats pictured here.
I now understand my father and the efficacy of his incessant rosary praying.
It is because of all of this, that I have somehow been able to sidestep past an abyss of depression.
Recently, even if I did not feel like it, I returned a few phone calls.
One of those calls was to my friend Jeannine who spoke the words:
"It's Not An Option."
She was referring to how she blows through life's trying moments.
What is not an option?
Allowing the challenges to win is not an option.
I found that inspiring.
Last saturday night I had the evening to myself.
Both Kika and Gabi were out at respective parties and Steve was at an out-of-town football game.
I was tempted to just pull the covers over my head and "recharge."
However, since I had already done that the previous day and wanted to be proactive about making sure that 'depression was not an option,' I decided to go out on a date with myself.
I went to see the movie, Ides of March.
Before I sat down with my popcorn, I made sure that I turned my cell phone ringer off.
So when a high pitched sonar sound rang through the entire darkened theater, I was fairly confident that I was not the culprit.
In fact, I was kind of smug, and a little bit judgmental about the idiot that neglected to be considerate of fellow movie go-ers.
You know the usual embarrassed scramble one makes when their cell phone dings in a forbidden venue?
I found it strange that not one person budged.
As the high pitch sound continued, the woman beside me turned to me and so I asked her in a stage whisper, "whose phone is that??"
She shrugged and then pointed to my coat pocket that was suspiciously lighting up the darkness.

Apparently Steve, who was worried when he could not get a hold of me, decided to make use of the "locate my iphone app" that-I-had-forgotten-about-and-now-know-is-exempt-from-the iphone's-vibrate-mode.
(BIG EYES, profuse sweat, desire to get swallowed up by my puet: check, check, check)
But the saturday night crowded theater was politely forgiving, which was quite refreshing.
After the movie, I went out to eat.
By the time I got home, I felt somewhat victorious over the big D and ended up with more conviction to keep saying yes to life.

Which was good because I needed my A-game to take kids trick or treating in the cold and rainy weather of last monday.

And to continue in my quest to keep moving forward,
yesterday, I said yes to learning how to bake a pie for the first time in my life.
I said yes to a breakfast of vegetable lasagna and coffee with my friend Donna.
Then I went home and proceeded to make two different pots of delicious soup and then
baked a pecan pie -pictured here.

Also yesterday, my friend Stephanie L invited us to go and walk in her church's labyrinth.
Since I am trying to be in the habit of saying yes to the possibility of enriching experiences, I told her that the girls and I would meet her and her girls there. (her daughter is Julia, the one that introduced crocheting to us)
I told Gabi that a labyrinth is a cool maze built with hedges and walls that we can explore and find our way out of.
I told Kika to wear comfy shoes.

When we got there, I discovered that there were no hedges.
After doing a quick readjustment of our expectations,
Gabi ended up doing the Labyrinth prayer walk about 7 times and Kika said she felt inspired to write a story as she was walking it.
I realized that I felt similar to how I feel when I crochet.
As I was walking the prayer labyrinth I could not help but go down a checklist of people in my life that would enjoy this sort of thing and I am quite certain that my dad is one of them.
With a healthy serving of pie after, of course.
Which is what we had.
Of course.

Will Back After Wednesday the 26th of October

2011-10-21T13:40:00.001-04:00

Deep and Simple.

2011-10-18T10:07:00.003-04:00

I read this piece and needed to share it. (thanks benj)
and saw this tip and also needed to share.(thanks kim)

Help is On Its Way (Or How To Buy A Mattress)

2011-10-06T12:02:00.004-04:00

To celebrate 18 years of back breaking work, I went out and purchased a new King-sized mattress at a store my brother Ayo recommended.
Mattress shopping is a rather peculiar yet amusing experience.
I had to lie on a couple of mattress in the showroom for about 15 minutes per bed just to make the right decision.
Doing Musical Beds at the store could ostensibly find oneself in bed with a complete stranger.
To ensure that this did not happen to me, I enlisted my sales rep Lillian, a Grandmother to 83 children, to be my bed mate on my favored finalists.
They are not cheap--these mattresses and since we average 2,688 hours/year in bed, I wanted to do a thorough consumer job.
The mattress we are replacing is about 11 years old.
Mattress sellers recommend you change your mattress every 6-8 years, or else they are out of business.
Steve's back tells us that the time is now.
A mattress' life depends on the quality of care.
Apparently you are not supposed to wait until your back hurts before you rotate and flip your mattress.
It should be done regularly once in 3-6 months. Hhmm. So every time I wash our bedsheets?
(I know gross. whatever)
Will put 'rotate mattress' into my phone calendar so that an alarm will remind me to do this, just like dental appointments, mammograms and other maintenance appointments necessary for life's quality control.

Speaking of quality control--
The other day Steve called me and asked me if I played a trick on him.
After going to the bathroom, he noticed a little round sticker at the tip of his...well, you know.
It said: Inspected by 94.
Apparently it comes off of new underwear really easily but on skin?
Not that easy.

Our new mattress was just delivered today but we won't get to sleep on it much because Steve and I are going away to attend pictures here ---> a wedding at the Central Park BoatHouse.
When we come back I am hoping that our new mattress will not only help Steve's back but be the impetus for our physical, mental and emotional wellbeing.
That's what the brochure for the mattress company claims anyway.
If not, I never signed an
indemnity agreement so at the very least I should get my money back.

Have a good weekend.

White and Gold

2011-10-03T13:58:00.009-04:00

S: Will we still make the White Coat ceremony?
C: Ceremony starts at 10:30. It's a 45 minute drive. I will run fast.

The race was not easy for me.
If it were not for the encouragement of my former student Brian, I don't know if I would have kept running.
Halfway through the race he noticed that I was struggling.
He said,
"if you are experiencing muscle fatigue try changing the way you are running.
Do something different. Sprint or change your stride. It will trick your brain into thinking it has not been doing the same thing that has made you tired."

Because Last Saturday morning was also the day of my lovely niece Erica's
White Coat Ceremony.
I was in a hurry to finish my 5K race.
I committed to going to this before I had "decided" to run.
After the race, I literally ran home, showered haphazardly, threw on kagalang-galang clothes, pulled my wet hair into a ponytail and jumped into the car.
After the white coating --Erica linked her arm with mine and said:
I'm actually surprised you're here. I was expecting a text telling me that you were tired from your run.

The truth is, Erica knows me so well.
Sometimes, way before I know it
(or admit it to myself) she stops in, takes one look at me and says,
"Auntie Ches, you look off."
So the fact that I was able to do an unpredictably good thing by cheering her during an important event in her life despite how tired I was, teaches me something.
It teaches me that Brian's running tip applies to life too.
When you are experiencing emotional fatigue, do something different or unexpected for someone else. The joy you experience from it will trick your brain into going on.
(Perhaps I'll rename this blog TheOneTimeRunner)
I may not have won this gold medal
(JB did) with my 30:13 chip time but I ran fast enough to get to Erica's event on time.
That is just like getting a gold.

Taize and Nervous Laughter.

2011-09-30T10:07:00.266-04:00

I laugh when I am nervous.
There is a some psychology to
nervous laughter that I find interesting.
It is not relaxing, this type of laughter, but rather it tightens up a person even further.

Steve sent me two texts this morning. The first one was:
Mid 40's high tomorrow
the second one was:
Did I mention windy and rain?
The man is taunting me.
As it is I am already nervous about the race. I do not need his attempt at humor.
He finds it extremely funny that I've signed up to run in tomorrow's race while under the influence.
What he does not know is that
I am extremely committed to do battle with myself.

Yesterday, I was talking to my brother Ayo on the phone and he asked me quite bluntly:
Why are you sad?
Our conversation was interrupted and so I did not have to answer the question.
However, the question I would really like him to ask is this:
What are you going to do about your sadness?
Then I will talk his ear off about my different plans of attack.
Planning to run in a race is one.
Another thing I have done is a Taize hour.

Although we had both never been to one, Stephanie L. and I had both heard about it.
When she invited me to one at her church, I went.
What was intended to be a meditative hour turned out to be anything but.
First of all, I insisted we sit way up front so that I would not be distracted by people watching.
I did not count on the being distracted by people hearing.
A woman that sat right behind us enjoyed singing at the top of her lungs.
She. Was. Tone Deaf.
Not exaggerating.
It was almost like we were being punked.
We stifled the giggles and tried to stick it out but eventually moved seats because it was literally an assault on the senses.
Just when we got settled into our new location we were invited for an anointing.
Dear SL nudged me forward.
I thought she was kidding.
I looked at her quizzically but she challenged me with a stare.
We went.
Two praying ladies asked my name.
Then they proceeded to pray for me by name loud and clear.
The name they called me was Jessica.
While that may not seem that funny to you, there are many back stories related to being called Jessica that hit the funny bone. (And it hit Stephanie's too)
Next thing I know I am laughing-- but also at the same time I am also hit by my emotions and started crying too. In front of all the Taize peeps.
(reminded me of my wedding day)
By the time I returned to my seat I was drenched with sweat...my body's reaction to nerves I suppose.
Before the evening ended, a woman got up and did a bit of a folk step dance at the altar.
I looked around to see how others other than me reacted to this, but most (including SL) had their eyes closed.
I could not shut mine for I was much too intrigued.
I resisted the urge to nudge SL. (congratulates self) and ended the evening completely spent.

I am recovering and preparing myself for that race tomorrow.
I am prepared for cold, windy and wet.
If nervous laughter is an attempt to move a situation along more quickly, then it won't hurt if I laugh while I am running.

Out of the Blue, I just Got a Text From One Of My Former Students:

2011-09-28T11:40:00.008-04:00

Chesca! I would be glad to.
That sounds like fun.
The 5K right? Lemme know
and I'll get registered.

I scrolled up to see what this was in reply to, but it was blank.
My eyebrow raised a bit higher than the other, I walked away from my phone to pour my first cup of coffee.
Caffeine shooting through my veins with my eyes now as large as Asian eyes can get, my heart started pumping with the sudden vague recollection of my previous evening.
I had taken a Post-Tuesday celebratory sleep aid, the one that lists its side effects as:
Confusion,
Abnormal thinking,
Memory loss,
Making phone calls under the influence
Driving under the influence
Eating under the influence, etc.

They should add
'Facebooking with your Iphone'
as one of the side effects because apparently that is what I did.
The Facebook records show that 11 hours ago I was soliciting a running partner for a 5K race for this coming Saturday morning.
Kika (who will not run with me but will run with Donna and her Running Family) Gabi and I are now going to run in this race.
I have never ran in a race.
And right now I can't seem to coax my one eyebrow down from my hair line.
You know what is strange though?
I am a bit excited to do this.
From the sidelines, under a tree--I have been watching children that I love,
push themselves.
My own two, JB's one-shoe-wonder and her sister.
Stephanie's machine, Donna's crew, Carole's Grif.
They all inspire me.
I will run this race.
One step at a time.
Wish me luck.

Do You Know What This Is?

2011-09-27T10:56:00.000-04:00

It is a really cheap long plastic tool with teeth called a
Zip-It that unclogs a bathroom drain without chemicals nor a call to our good friend Nick P.
It works.
I don't mean to gross you out but I have pictures to prove it.
Do not scroll down if you have a weak stomach.
I took pictures between gagging because:
a) I wanted proof that I was being a productive member of society.
b) I have a morbid fascination with all things gross.
c) I want to instill fear in my children. If they do not scoop up their fallen tresses before it makes it down the drain, I will make them zipit.

Remember when I said that cleaning something is therapeutic?
It works.
The satisfaction I got from unclogging this was downright exhilarating.
That something can make you gag and happy at the same time is such a conundrum.
:)

What Helps Me when I am In A Crisis Mode

2011-09-26T08:56:00.002-04:00

In my case, is the term 'crisis' my euphemism for the word depression or am I couching my crisis underneath the term depression?
Whichever it is, I find that I deal with both the same way so I guess it does not matter.
What To Do:
1. Keep on living. Yes, pretty self explanatory.
2. Drink lots of water.
3.. Fix up. Meaning get out of my pjs. Do the three S's of grooming.
Very important: put on eye make-up.
4. Walk the dog.
5. Organize and/or clean at least one immediate area around me. It could be anything:
-wipe the bathroom sink.
-pick up my fallen hair in the shower.
-flush an unflushed toilet.
Anything helps.
6. Reach out to at least one person you've put off connecting with. A text, a call, a grunt, a smile.
Anything helps.
7. Eat something healthy. Almonds. Tomatoes. An apple. Raw vegetables. Fish.
Oddly enough, during my recent episode with the big D, I suddenly could not stand the smell of fish!
I scrubbed and deodorized my house (I had cooked salmon) and I THREW OUT my salmon leftovers immediately. I am hoping this is a temporary situation because I love fish. Well, used to anyway.
8. Immerse yourself in something. Work, a chore, a book, a hobby.
In my case, I took up a new hobby. I have been crocheting. More on this later.
9. Give yourself permission to take a break. Whether it's by declining social invitations or simply sleeping for a few days.
I used to think that sleeping was bad for depression but I am beginning to rethink that.
I think that if you regulate or plan how to use sleep to help get over some bad days, it is actually helpful. In my case, I gave myself permission to sleep while the kids were at school--just for two days. I know that I am lucky that Steve's hard work allows me to be able to do this.
10. Replace unhelpful or unproductive thoughts with a prayer or a positive thought.
It is truly mental calisthenics. Sets and Reps for the brain. If you keep purging negative thoughts and replacing them with good ones, pretty soon you create muscle memory for the brain.

And last but not the least: Smile.
Smiling helps your innards.

2nd Place Trophy.

2011-09-24T13:53:00.002-04:00

It's A Rainy Friday

2011-09-23T13:59:00.003-04:00

And I am blogging outside my kids' school.
We are leaving school early because first-born qualified for a 'by invitation only' cross country meet. I have 7 minutes to kill.
This week kicked my rear end.
I am tired of pretending that I did not have an episode of depression.
I did.
I think I am coming out of it.
Really, out of necessity, I need to get a hold of myself. (slap slap)
There is another cross country meet tomorrow,
A thing tomorrow night-
And two volleyball games on Sunday.

I will tell you what helps me-
Must keep on living is step number 1.
Will add to this list but first, need to sign off and get the kids.

Happy Thursday!

2011-09-22T11:37:00.000-04:00

Another Brick In The Wall.

2011-09-20T10:20:00.004-04:00

12: "You're trying to control me"
44: "You may think that I am trying to control you, however I see it as trying to train you."

(She is 12. She is as angry as I am at 44.)

She is angry that I am training her to separate her gym shoes from the rest of the stuff in her bag.
It is basic foundation digging and a battle that I am picking.

While I fight the urge to shave my own head (or hers) as I keep up my mothering pace, I am aware that her focused determination is in fact a good thing.
It is this quality that has enabled her to improve the time of her 1.6 mile cross country run from 13:13 last season, to 11:44 at last sunday's meet.

Nevertheless, I too am determined to do my very best time as a mother.
My friend Donna has introduced me to a parenting book called
Back in Control by Gregory Bodenhamer.
It comes so highly recommended that I am going to purchase this today at the nearest bookstore chain five miles from my house.
If I were my friend Donna I would run the five miles, but I am not.
Being 44 means that I know exactly what I can and can not do while being 12 means my daughter is still becoming who she will or will not be.
Maybe I'll listen to some Pink Floyd during my drive.

I've Been On A Quest To Quit Hazelnut Coffee Creamer.

2011-09-16T11:14:00.003-04:00

Just trying to live healthier.
So to distract myself (which is one of the ways to help kick an addiction) I decided to drive to a coffee shop after taking the girls to school.
The coffee shop, however, was rather crowded.
So while waiting for the crowd to peter out, I decided to go to not one, but two grocery stores.
(Still trying to distract myself, now with errands)
After successfully resisting all urges to purchase contraband creamer, I went home.
Brewed a large pot of coffee and toyed with the idea of lacing it with rum.
Conquered that temptation and instead settled for a large scoop of Vanilla Haagen Dazs ice cream with my coffee.

My Plan Of Action On How to Quit is this:
1. I must first identify that I can't stop ingesting this.
2. I must know that it is not healthy.
3. I must really want to live healthily.
4. Make wanting a healthy lifestyle my new addiction.
5. Reduce my desire for it by avoiding its purchase.
If I need to remove coffee from my morning routine I should do that too. but let's not get too drastic.
Any change done traumatically is a set up for failure.
6. Use my mind to control what I think my body wants and needs. Yes, will employ self brainwashing skills.
7. Substitute this very unhealthy processed creamer for something else. Or go black.

I am told once you go black you can never go back.

Happy Friday.

Thank You.

2011-09-15T11:17:00.004-04:00

and Happy Birthday to my mother.
Now that I am almost 13 years into motherhood, I can appreciate the blood, sweat and tears involved in this endeavor.
"dalawa lang 'yan, chesca"
Is what she would say, somewhat airily, at my temerity to express difficulty with my two children while she had wrestled with NINE of us.
I would always respond:
"I know, just two makes me crazy...I can only imagine what having nine did..."
:)

Kidding aside, crazy provides a modicum of protection in an otherwise complicated world.
'snothing wrong with that.

Happy Birthday and I love you.

The Art Of Small Talk or The Perils of Emerging.

2011-09-14T10:03:00.003-04:00

"What Are Your Hobbies?"
Is a question my friend Chip taught me to open with, upon getting to know someone.
He says it is a nonintrusive and benign way to show interest in others.
It is not too personal, but yet is a question that can be answered with passion and conversation.
Last sunday I was at a small gathering where most of us knew each other except for Roy, a gentleman about twenty years older than the rest of us.
We were seated at the dining table when, for whatever reason, everyone got up except for Roy and me.
My social muscle at a state of atrophy due to my present cocooning, I racked my brains for Chip's opening.
I could not remember it.
I decided to go with another safe topic, the, "Do you have any children?" question.
Unfortunately Roy had two adult children but his 35 yr. old son was just killed by a drunk driver eight weeks ago.

I asked him if he wanted to talk about it and he said he did.

He talked about his son's young children (three of them) and about how close he was to his son.

I asked about the funeral, and he talked with pride about the hordes of people that came to pay their respects to his son.

By the time the others had returned to the table, Roy was choked up with tears.
As he apologized for his tears, I told him no apologies were needed.
As I apologized for bringing it up, he said no apologies were needed.

(After he left, our host turned to me and said: "I leave you with him for a few minutes...")

For a brief moment I regretted emerging from my cocoon to encounter Roy's sadness,
but I believe that at that very moment, asking Roy about his children was more cathartic than asking him anything else.
After all, it's not all about me.
Life is not all about me.
Next time though, I will ask him about his hobbies.

Wouldn't it be great if life were like a modem that just needed to be unplugged and re-set

2011-09-09T13:02:00.001-04:00

every once in a while?

I've been stuck lately.

So stuck that I've had the urge to pull the covers over my head and keep it there.

It has been so tempting to take a break from being me, however, having a family means that a webbed life of commitments and tasks need attention all the time.

It is because of them that I keep on going.

As I walk, drive, scrub, feed, guide, interact, wipe, wait and stare at myself in the mirror

(not necessarily in this order)

I have been pondering and praying.

A friend of mine turned my attention to a book called:

"Start Where You Are" by Pema Chodron.

If you are stuck, you must read this.

Then ponder and pray with me.

Be Well.

One Way Trip To Gabi's Volleyball Game.

2011-09-07T18:38:00.000-04:00

The Other Friday, I was sitting in the parking lot of Target, just catching a moment

2011-08-31T13:04:00.002-04:00

for myself.
Suddenly it started raining. And hailing.
I would have waited for the downpour to end except I remembered that I needed to check the backyard drain to make sure it was not clogged.
I braved the barely visible conditions and made it home in time to clear debris and prevent a possible flooding in our basement.
Unbeknownst to me, at that very moment-- a deadly flooding was happening two miles from my home.
A woman my age and her two daughters, close to the same ages as my two daughters-- were on their way home from lunching with their dad who works at the hospital behind my house. Yes, the same hospital where Steve works.
On their drive home they were caught in a flash flood that killed them.

I felt emotionally crippled when I learned about it.
As I read more about the woman, I found myself gripped with even more debilitating sadness.
That they described the woman as someone that would go sledding with her children, and that they had a trampoline in their backyard told me that they were an active family that quite possibly had known how to swim.
They must have been physically trapped in their car or perhaps panicked beyond inertia.
I shuddered at the thought that perhaps they did not all die at exactly the same moment.
A child seeing their mom drown would be such a horrible last moment but a mother seeing her child die would be, in my mind, a reason to not want to take a next breath.

That Friday afternoon, I decided to leave the covered parking lot of Target in order to clear our drain from muck while another family was going through an unspeakable sorrow.

Muck is nothing.
Perspective is everything.

Pondering On a Rainy Back-to-School Day

2011-08-25T08:24:00.000-04:00

Summer Reading

2011-08-16T13:09:00.000-04:00

A Friday Joke:

2011-08-12T11:17:00.001-04:00

Minister walks into a hotel and says to the clerk "I hope your tv porn is disabled."
Hotel clerk gives a funny look and replies
"no, it's regular porn you sick man."
(shared by an anonymous reader)

Happy Friday.

My Brother Ayo Gave Me Some of His Homemade Congee.

2011-08-08T12:23:00.004-04:00

As if handling precious Uranium, he held it up to me, nodding like I had said something he had agreed with and said:
Patis lang ang katapat nito.
I had been slowly parsing out portions, delighting in its gustatory hug-- but this morning-- I recklessly polished off a sizable amount of it.

I do not have the girls from 10 AM- 3PM for the next four days.
A last minute decision was made by them and not by me, for Kika and Gabi to attend a basketball camp.
I was kind of surprised that they chose to do this.
I wonder if the fact that they don't get to watch TV, nor tinker on a computer, and that they need to practice two instruments per day/per child and make their bed and brush their teeth and help straighten up around here, and water plants and walk the dog between the hours of 10 AM-3PM makes them think that bootcamp with their friends is a better deal.
(They still need to brush their teeth though.)

Anyhow, I am free to read.
The Man In The Rockefeller Suit (about a serial impostor) is a book that was passed from Chip to Steve to me, is a great read, but have not been able to devote time to. I started it several days ago--but then I misplaced my reading glasses. So I am doing laundry right now in the hopes that the eyeglasses will resurface after some tidying up.

Nikki Lopez, my friend from high school posted,

"People who...

-criticize a lot are insecure.

-complain a lot, seldom take action.

-insult a lot, are commonly ugly.

-flirt a lot, lack love and attention,

-gossip a lot, never had a true friend."

I tend to gloss over trite phrases but every once in a while when a quote or a store-bought scribble speaks to me--I like to swallow it like a delicious bowl of congee.

Happy Monday.

I was going to write about my harrowing experience yesterday.

2011-08-02T11:42:00.156-04:00

About the day that started with my self mutilating haircut.
I was planning to go into detail about how I misplaced my girls.
How I walked, drove and ran around the city streets in search of Kika and Gabi.
I wanted to tell you how out-of-my-mind nauseous I was to have lost my two daughters due to stupidity--(my own)
And how over-the-top ecstatic I was to have recovered them safe and unharmed--despite their inadvertent foray into an area where jitney solicitations and questionable deals abound.

But since I try not to talk about what I do not want more of nor write about the reasons I am compelled to cut my own hair--
I will instead tell you that just now I took a break from writing this,
in order to 'Gorilla Glue' my broken big-toenail.

The Big Toenail is extremely important.
It sets the stage for the aesthetic appearance of the entire foot.
I broke this toenail at its quick last week while saving a friend and two little girls (one mine) from a capsizing boat that was careening towards rocks.

The toenail hung hinged for the duration of our vacation in Key West,
flapping a reminder of what my friend, ironically an amazingly powerful butterfly-er in a swimming pool said:

"damned water sports."

Now that I am home, settling into re-entry and yes, trying not to lose my family--

I've discovered that Gorilla Glue works (shout out to you, Charissa) even on toenails.

As I was resting my chin on my knee attending to 'the face of my foot' I was pondering how sometimes, life, like a toenail seems impossibly broken.

But as I file the glue-filled part of my toenail, I look over at the sound of a text coming in from Steve.

I read its encouraging words and prep my toenail for a fresh coat of nail polish and myself for more living.

We Were Dreading Coming Home

2011-08-01T08:47:00.002-04:00

to a messy life that needs attention, direction and purpose.

Will be right back to write after I reconnect with my dog.

Without a Shadow of a Doubt

2011-07-27T14:33:00.001-04:00

2011-07-26T10:31:00.000-04:00

More things to do before I can treat myself to writing here with a real keyboard and not my phone:

2011-07-22T10:21:00.001-04:00

-Have just-discovered-water-damaged-underneath-the-basement-bar sink diagnosed and fixed.
-Pay for a parking ticket
-Go to post office
-Go to the bank

Designate the girls to
-empty dishwasher
-water the plants
- walk the dog
-pick up poop

Command the girls to
-brush their teeth
-practice their instruments
-pick up their STUFF

...this message tapped out via cell phone.

Last night I posted my previous entry from my bed,

2011-07-20T09:25:00.004-04:00

right before nodding off to sleep.
This morning I open up the newspaper and am stunned by what has graced the front page.
A random photograph of the church with the relics that I took my mother to.
No accompanying article either.
Just a shot featuring it poking through fog.
Tell me that is not a sign.

I have more to write about:
-Burkas
-Good people who are BLACK (yes I actually wrote that, will explain later)
-And as an added treat, will post a video.
But I can't right now.
Have a to-do list the length of my second toe.
As my lovely niece Erica says:
Whatevs.....
But an important thought I must leave you with:

Surround yourself and your family with people who genuinely love and care for you.
By the same token, think of whom you associate with and examine whether you are good for them.
Relationships in life are two-way streets.

Be well.

The Other Day I Took My Mother to Not One But Two Churches in One Day.

2011-07-19T23:37:00.004-04:00

The first church was in the north side of the city, not too far from my house but a pain to get to due to a ton of construction coupled with my being directionally challenged.
I was bent on taking her there because the church boasts of having the largest collection of relics in America. You know what a catholic relic is? Google it. My mother digs those kinds of places.
My friend Stephanie L. (a Protestant) introduced this Catholic church to me.
She swears by its peace giving, miracle granting efficacy.
My initial attempt to take my mother to the place was unsuccessful.
It is closed every Friday.
I did not know this.
So we went again on Saturday.
At noon.
But it was closed. Again.
It opens daily at 1:00 PM (except Fridays)
I did not know this either.
So we waited.
We walked hand-in-hand around the neighborhood.
We browsed around a flea market until it
was time to pray.

The second church was a mile from my house.
I had not ever been in this one.
I had heard about this place from my friend Christy.
She once raved about how masses there were "tasty for the soul"
I am translating the tagalog phrase she used: masarap magsimba doon.
Steve, the girls and I liked it and intend to be back.
My mother was just relieved to have gone to church.

Unfortunately I did not hear the news about one of my grade school bestest friends until today.
Otherwise I would have prayed for her.
You know how one of the phrases I use to put things in perspective is,
It's not cancer?
Well in this case, it is for her. Again.
So with M in mind, I intend to return to the relic place.
Gaining peace in the process will be an added bonus.

Strangely Enough

2011-07-18T16:47:00.005-04:00

I experience an odd sense of peace whenever I go to a funeral home.
Kika and I went to a wake this morning.
Her classmate's dad passed away unexpectedly.
After we left, Kika said that she was glad that she went.
----------
Kika and Gabi have been protected as much as possible from life but were never shielded from death.
When Kika was 5, we had gone to the viewing of my SIL Raff's grandmother. Kika asked if she could go up to the casket and feel the deceased's forearm. She was so intrigued by how death looked so much like sleep.
---------
The widow, the mother of Kika's classmate wore a beautiful emerald green cheongsam (Asian traditional dress with the mandarin collar and two slits on the side) to her husband's funeral.
This was striking to me because
a) she is not Asian.
b) she wore it because it is the last dress her husband bought for her two weeks ago when they were away on vacation.
c) she wore a traditional dress in such an untraditional way.
To me this demonstrates such spunk, resilience and a desire to honor love.
I found peace in that.
I too, was glad that I went.

My General Rule When I Am At A Bar Or Restaurant Is to Order An Item That I Can NOT Make Or Pour For Myself.

2011-07-14T07:41:00.005-04:00

So on my Do-Not-Order list:
1. Sunny side up eggs.
2. Fried bacon.
3. Vodka on the rocks.
4. White rice.
5. Cup of tea.
6. Raw vegetables.
7. Fried pork chops.
8. Fried fish.
9. Grilled chicken.
10. Fruit salad.

You get the idea.
I can fry, peel and most certainly slice anything.

I have made an exception for McDonald's Grilled Chicken Asian salad with Sesame Ginger dressing on the side.
This convenient salad makes me cheerful.
--------------------
I made a colossal mistake the other day.
I absentmindedly lined up at the
'10 items or less' checkout at Wholefoods.
Steve met me at the cash register and did not think to look at where I was standing.
He trusted that among the 44 things on his No-Not-Ever list, having more than the right number at an express checkout is something that he and I agreed on.
But I was distracted.
(probably by my new Keens)
When Steve realized our (MY) faux pas, he apologized to people around us and offered to move to a different lane.
Both the cashier and the woman behind us, graciously told us not worry about our (MY) mistake.
After the first bag was rung up, Steve took it and stood at a safe distance away from me.
Both the cashier and the woman behind us had a good chuckle about how Steve was embarrassed to be "one of those" violators of the '10 or less' lane.
I was chuckling with them on the outside but nervous on the inside.
Once in the car, I was expecting Steve to freak out on me.
He did not.
I find that amazing.
We got home and proceeded to eat.
Suddenly though, without a warning--Steve pushed away his perfectly constructed salad.
He pulled a lone long strand of hair from his overpriced organic produce.
While Kika, Gabi and I are completely unfazed by such,
('tis a gift)
Steve is unbending about this.
He was done.
I find that amazing.
Steve is teaching me to sift through what is truly important.
He is becoming someone that thinks that life is too short to get upset about mistakes however, he firmly believes that life is too short to eat someone else's unwashed hair...organic or not.

Focus on the people who believe in you and prove them right.

2011-07-13T13:09:00.002-04:00

Currently Pondering:
If we lived life like there was a camera on us 24/7 what would we consistently do?
What would we not do?
Aside from the obvious pick your nose, scratch your bum, smell checks...
What would you be ashamed of?
Can you give it up?

Expectant Faith

2011-07-12T10:48:00.003-04:00

In my bulldog's mind, he is a lap dog.
He thinks it and acts upon it.
At first I try to resist the awkward juxtaposition of limbs, paws, legs, knees and bellies. Mine and his.
But then after he, bulldoggedly climbs onto me, I find myself getting swept along.
I adjust myself and my cup of coffee to accommodate his burly body upon me. I sit with him on my lap on a glider, a gift from my FIL after the arrival of our firstborn.
Twelve years later, I am now rocking Pax, a three year old bulldog.
Pax is the epitome of one who practices positive or creative visualization.
He sees neither his size, his weight nor the space provided as a hindrance to what he wants.
He acts rather matter of fact about it and owns it.
Another term for this is:
Expectant Faith.
Pray for what you want and be thankful for it already. Expect that you will get what is good for you, your life and those whose lives you touch.

Sushi to celebrate Being Home.

2011-07-11T13:52:00.000-04:00

I'm OK, You're Ok.

2011-07-11T09:49:00.002-04:00

A little Transactional Analysis on a Monday morning is good for the soul.
Karen, I finally have my very own pair of Keens.
I have had many reasons to walk with my head down lately but today it will be because I am busy admiring my shoes.
I have watered the plants while wearing my Keens.
I will wait for the children to come home from their grandparents' house today while wearing my Keens.
I will attend to ice maker repair today while wearing my Keens.
I will vacuum while wearing my Keens.
I may even attend my 5:30 pm meeting today...wait for it...while wearing my Keens.
Money can't buy you happiness but it sure KEEN help.
Happy Monday.

2011-07-09T09:17:00.000-04:00

A Parable of Immortality

By Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore.

A ship at my side spreads white sails

To the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean.

She is an object of beauty and strength,

and I stand and watch until at last

she hangs like a speck of white cloud

just where the sea and sky

come down to mingle with each other.

Then someone at my side says, "There she goes!"

Gone where?

Gone from my sight - that is all.

She is just as large in mast and hull and spar

as she was when she left my side

and just as able to bear her load of living freight

to the place of destination.

Her diminished size is in me, not in her.

And just at the moment

when someone at my side says,

"There she goes!" there are other eyes

watching her coming and other voices

ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes."

(sent to me by my friend PF after my Dad died in 2009)

While I was cleaning my sister-in-law called.

2011-07-08T16:10:00.001-04:00

Her husband needed some documents from us and somehow lost in the translation was the fact it was needed yesterday. So I embarked on a rather speedy scavenger hunt down of three years worth of records, a marriage certificate,
a birth certificate, a passport, and a couple of other documents to prove that we are ---well not we but Steve really, is a productive member of society.
Proofs in hand I ran out of the house to jump into my car only to discover my car gone.
I had forgotten that it was in the shop.
Because it was drizzling I stuck the documents in a green plastic newspaper bag and started my trek on foot.
The first post office did not have a copying machine.
So in the rain I started jogging with my green bag in hand.
By the time I reached another mailing office that had a copier, and mailed it and got home I had jogged 1.75 miles.

Of course I shmuckily called my SIL right away to report about my task completion skills and to exaggerate the degree of difficulty.
I wanted to feel heroic and appreciated.
I know....bad form.
So much for not letting the left hand know what the right hand is doing.
But in fairness to myself, my SIL is the type to feel flattered and not bothered by any trouble experienced on her behalf. So it's a win-win.
It is 4:00 PM on a Friday.
May you have a peaceful weekend.
Life is too short to not focus on the positives.

It Is Friday.

2011-07-08T11:00:00.000-04:00

11:00 AM.
I am about to have my first cup of coffee for the day.
I am delaying gratification.
It is a good exercise.
I decided to do what I have not done but have wanted to do but have not been able to do and then reward myself with a cup of coffee that I am dying for after I do it.
I called two people I love.
First one was my mother.
She had company so we only spoke for two minutes.
Second was my friend Becky.
She has two young sons and a 6 month old baby. I got her answering machine.

Now to see about that cup of coffee.

I will write more after caffeine.

FIVE YEARS!!!!!

2011-07-07T17:18:00.001-04:00

I was checking the inside of my eyelids while waiting for Steve to come home today, when I suddenly realized why July 7th sounded familiar.
So I jumped out of bed to write.
I started this blog exactly 5 years ago.
A friend of mine, let's call her JB, says that it takes about 5 years to process a life changing moment.
So meaning if I started this blog to process my life in 2006--
Then time is up.
It is time for a new beginning.

A Nothing Post

2011-07-07T07:57:00.000-04:00

Today:
I must take our car into the shop to be serviced.
I will call about getting a portion of our driveway fixed.
I will call about RV repair.
I might shower, but then again that would be a waste since after I drop the car off, I will walk home.
Did you know that here in America, most car repair places will shuttle you to where you need to go after you drop your vehicle off?
I did not know this.
This is why I got into the habit of looking for nearby places to get the car worked on.
So that I can walk home.

And then I will paint my fingernails and toenails.
Did you know that here in America, it costs about $40.00 to get a manicure and a pedicure?
Not that it matters to me since I have always been in the habit of doing my own grooming.
So that I don't need to depend on anyone.

3 Mile Half Run Half Walk

2011-07-06T15:09:00.000-04:00

July

2011-07-06T13:03:00.002-04:00

My dad was a chain smoker when I was really young.
He gave up cigarettes on his own--well sort of on his own--as I am sure he had my mother torturing him out of love.
He told me that in order to successfully quit, he went and watched back-to-back movies at the movie theater simply because smoking was not permitted.
In a darkened theater, with nothing else but Hollywood to distract him and a pimply theater clerk to police him, he detoxed from nicotine.
-----------------
Yesterday our kids left again.
This time they are at Nana Camp.
I drove them 75 miles to their Grandmother's house.
I passed a Dairy Queen on my way home and did not stop for a strawberry milk shake.
I had an appointment I was racing home for.
-------------
Steve and I had a meeting half a mile from where the city's baseball team plays.
After our thing, we walked up to the stadium just to see if we could purchase good seats.
As we were standing at the end of a pretty substantial line-
A woman approached us and handed us two tickets as a gift.
Big smile.
They were great seats.
-----------------
Today I will go for a run.
With my children being gone there is just not one reason to be distracted from my goal of having a healthy body, mind and spirit.
I'm also hoping to be able to go and see a movie tonight.
And maybe have a milk shake.

2011-06-30T14:58:00.000-04:00

I am blogging while sitting on the toilet.

2011-06-30T12:00:00.004-04:00

I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers yesterday.

One of my brothers has been reunited with his long lost daughter due to Facebook.
The last time he held her was 12 years ago, when she was 2.
This has renewed my faith in the social networking site.

I have been running our home like a farm.
No electronics until sundown-
Except to blog while moving one's bowels.
Naturally.
Will finish writing this post later.
Right now I must wipe,
wash and then go on a long bike ride with my two daughters.

Be Well.

"Can We Tell Her??"

2011-06-24T15:29:00.005-04:00

Is what Kika cryptically typed on my cell phone and quietly showed me.
Out of the blue, Gabi had asked:
"Is Santa real?"
The more I think about it, it makes sense that Gabi decided to ask me this as we were en route to their very first week long summer camp, 140 miles away.
Almost as if to say, if I am old enough for this, perhaps I am old enough for that.
I was once more calling upon my inner thespian to pull off the deposit without a hitch.
I was acting calm, pleasant and matter-of-fact.
I did not want the girls to sense my anxiety, because I wanted them to have a great time.
I needed to drive away quickly.
The Santa question was, a slight snafu.
So, ever so slightly I shook my head to Kika and mouthed out: not now.
Although I am sure Gabi will be ready for this information when she comes back tomorrow from the maturing experience of sleep away camp, I did not think this was the case 6 days ago.
I deftly changed the subject.
Sometimes less is more.
And, timing is everything.

Some time during the night

2011-06-20T10:37:00.002-04:00

we "shared" Steve's wallet with a complete stranger.
Again.
This stranger has a talent for getting into our locked and alarmed car.
Actually this is an ongoing dance we've been participating in.
After an event, we learn not to leave valuables in the car.
We make resolutions.
We are vigilant.
We know what we don't want more of and how to avoid it.
But then life happens, and the human brain filters out what is important and what isn't, in real time.
Steve's wallet, although a vital tool in the world of consumption, is not something that takes up valuable space in Steve's mind.
So after some time, he returns to his default mode of leaving it in the glove compartment.
The stranger has taken it upon himself to monitor our progress with surprise checks and collects Steve's wallet as a retainer fee for this service.
And then I call and cancel the bank cards.
The dance continues.

What I've learned from this exercise?
1. It is not personal.
2. Things happen as it should. (CK philosophy 101)
3. Anything done enough times gets easier to do.

Oh and that: it's not cancer.

Its Friday, Friday....

2011-06-17T08:45:00.002-04:00

Yesterday Rebecca Black pulled her "Friday" video from Youtube.
Maybe she had decided that she was done entertaining people for three months.
Everybody has their limits.
Ten months ago we purchased new kitchen appliances.
Yes, those ubiquitous shiny ones.
In the ten months since, the microwave door has come off track- the ice maker has failed and the dishwashing door appears to be needing attention.
After calling to get them serviced (they are all under warranty for one year)
I decided that perhaps it is a good idea to purchase some extended warranty.
Unfortunately I had procrastinated acting upon it.
Did you know that you have only nine months after the initial investment to buy extended warranty?
I did know this.
Apparently I waited one month too long to do what I knew I should do.

7:45, we're drivin' on the highway
cruisin' so fast, I want time to fly
fun, fun, think about fun
you know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it
~Rebecca Black's Friday

Notice how as you get older, time flies? You blink and next thing you know

2011-06-13T09:08:00.001-04:00

a month has gone by.
And it's not just 'time flies when you are having fun' either.
Time will keep going, with or without you.
My goal is simple: Be productive.
Today is the girls' very first monday of summer vacation.
As they sleep I have already been on four telephone calls.
Its not even 9 AM.
yay me.

Happy Monday.

Dear Exskindiver,

2011-06-08T08:50:00.005-04:00

I work closely with a female colleague to the point that people in the office joke that we're each others' "work spouse." That's all we do-work together (honest!) But my wife is growing more and more jealous and is constantly making critical comments about this woman. When I come home after work, she blasts me with questions: What did we do today? Did we have lunch together? etc. Her jealousy is causing undue strain in our marriage. Should I ask to be reassigned?
~Strained

Dear Strained,
I don't know your background nor the obstacles you and your wife have had that have led you to where you are today. This makes it impossible to answer the simplistic question as to whether you should ask to be reassigned. However, if I had 60 seconds to yell at you and your wife without the benefit of such information-- this is what I would say to both of you:
Think of marriage as a nautical journey.
Are you both good people on board this marriage?
Do you want to get to the same place?
Do you want to be on the same boat?
If the answer is yes then follow this advice:

To Mrs. Strained,
Acknowledge your husband's ability to captain your marital ship.
Know that he will steer clear of ugly weather and navigate around maelstroms.
Tell him that you trust and respect that his seafaring skills will lead you through the relationship tides.
The more you believe in him, then the more resolve he will have to focus on avoiding unfavorable boating conditions. The most potent of whirlpools are created in narrow shallow straits with fast flowing water.
(And no, I am not calling your husband's female colleague narrow, shallow nor fast)
Respect his judgment.

To Mr. Strained,
Powerful whirlpools have killed unsuspecting seafarers.
However, there has never been a CNN report of a large boat ever sucked into a whirlpool.
Be large!
Protect, appreciate and love your first mate.
When she is busy screaming:
"maelstrom! maelstrom!"
know that she screams only because she is afraid that she is losing her captain.
Reassure your wife that you are her rudder.
I repeat, REASSURE HER of your love.
Tell her that you love how she runs your ship's engine.

To both of you,
Remember that there is a calm after every storm.
Reinforce and strengthen your boat at every chance you get.
The key is to try and avoid turbulent weather but if all else fails and the rough seas make you sick, know that vomit is good chum.
This will make the conditions good for fishing.

Watered the plants and

2011-06-02T09:03:00.001-04:00

Walked the dog.
Will now watch a documentary called:
Dogs Decoded.
My brother Ayo has been recommending it.
Speaking of recommending:
Book by Emerson Eggerichs called
Love and Respect.
Will write more about that later.

Pet Friendly Coffee Shops Lift My Spirit

2011-05-31T13:05:00.001-04:00

As I embark on making my house smell like Pine-Sol.

Dear Charissa,

2011-05-29T08:41:00.000-04:00

You will be happy to know that yesterday, Steve, Jimmy and Ayo planted two trees beside Dad's grave. Our brothers were extremely amused by what they called, Steve's style of "pogo stick jumping on the shovel" in order to dig the holes.
And to make up for that "frog incident in 1973" (that they still staunchly deny culpability)
They did discourage Steve from his plan to bury a fake skeleton hand for you to "unearth"
during your next gardening session at the cemetery.
Now that is brotherly love.
Just thought you should know.
Love you,
Chesca

TGIF

2011-05-27T09:41:00.003-04:00

~I am grateful for love and support.
~I am grateful for family.
~I am grateful that yesterday, our two daughters were able to participate in their school's amusement park day picnic. Because I could not be there, two other mothers took our kids with them.
~I am grateful for rain watering the plants that I have been unable to tend to.
~I am grateful that we have $65.00
~I am grateful for all this Grace that is being showered upon me.

What are you grateful for?

May

2011-05-26T09:53:00.000-04:00

2011-05-25T08:45:00.000-04:00

In a quest for normalcy or in keeping with this trend of self flagellation, I did my last lunch duty yesterday.
That, my friend, in a long line of things that I did not want to do--was on the top of the list, even on a good day.
Assigned the even more punishing task of monitoring the children outdoors, I was also asked to be the
BELL RINGER, summoning Pavlovian responses from children being alerted to line-up and end their guided freedom.
The knowledge that you can not un-ring the bell
made me decline the task of running outdoor recess like clockwork.

Pax Does Not Know That He Is A Bulldog.

2011-05-24T09:12:00.001-04:00

He and I have been going on miles and miles of therapeutic walks.
Miles and miles.
He is behaving in a way that is completely unexpected.
He is not a herder, yet he herds me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In case you are wondering, I am not clinically depressed.
I am going through a storm.
A flagellating period of self vitriol and doubt.
Without a net.
-sans prozac
-sans ketel one

Just as I want to feel happy without a leveling drug, I also want to feel this
--this without buffers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I am on auto-pilot.
I clip my dog's toenails.
I crank my daughter's palate expander.
I wash bedsheets.
I do laundry.
I scrub toilets.
I pick up dog poop.
I feed my family.
I am a wife.
I do lunch duty.
I am a mother.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At the moment, I can not be a good sister, a daughter nor a friend.
It's not that I don't want to be, it's just that I need to work on some internal business before I can offer myself to others.
Pax though, is a different story.
Either he does not know that he is a bulldog and acts uncharacteristic of his breed or he does know, but is being selfless and attending to my needs.
That is unconditional love.

Unmoored

2011-05-23T15:55:00.002-04:00

DeFacing My Book

2011-05-19T14:39:00.000-04:00

I deactivated my Facebook account.

On A Good Note

2011-04-29T10:07:00.000-04:00

My dog is no longer urinating soup out of his puet.
Do you know how uncomfortably awkward it is to be walking a dog that has diarrhea?
You must mime like you are picking up after the bowel movement for the benefit of the vigilante lawn owners your dog has splattered all over.

Bench Warmer

2011-03-26T14:23:00.001-04:00

This is my friend's body.
Let's call her JB.

JB and I share many of life's tasks like
shuttling, feeding, mothering, and socializing.
Together she and I go back and forth with the catch phrase:
"It takes a village..."
I find that we live somewhat parallel lives except for a couple things.
She is, unlike me, gainfully employed as a teacher.
She is an active member of a large family.
She helps coach cross country,
She takes her family to church,
She volunteers regularly at the school's sports association by stocking...STOCKING the concession stand (meanwhile I can't even grocery shop for my family)
and get this:
JB works out.
Last week we played in a Mothers vs Daughters basketball game.
(Sidebar: I have a deeper respect for Kika and Gabi now that I've ran a mile in their basketball shoes.)
At one point of the game I turned to Steve who was ref-ing the game and asked him to
coach me on what to do.
His advice: "Take yourself out and put JB in!"

Phlegm

2011-02-16T17:37:00.002-05:00

Have you noticed that I've not been complaining?
That's because I have vowed not to talk about things I do not want more of.
So when I write about my persistent tuberculosis-like cough that seems to be bordering on pneumonia, it is only to ponder about it's ability to teach me to enjoy this time to recharge.

My husband Steve, is teaching himself to play the guitar.
After work, he gets on YouTube and learns chords and strumming techniques.
I watch him intently putting so much effort into this endeavor and I am left admiring his drive.
I want some of that.
Can passion and desire be taught?
Clearly he must have expressed interest and that is why his parents got the instrument for him but for whatever reason, he shelved it.
The guitar, a gift from his parents twenty-five years ago---is finally being attended to.
25 years later.
What sparks an interest?
Does this mean that the brain never really lets go of an interest but merely files it away for future reference?
He obviously did not completely squelch the desire but rather seems to have accommodated it at a more opportune time in his life.
Timing, apparently is everything.
He sounds really good and I hope he will let me post a video of his self taught talent.

As for me, now that the phlegm is clearing up I may need to tackle that pile of laundry.
I am just waiting for that spark of interest to motivate me.
I really need to put better things in my bucket list.

Hey

2011-01-31T14:23:00.003-05:00

31 days into the new year, I hastily tap this out from my cell phone.
Will not allow January 2011 to slip by without a trace.
So far I have been able to:
1. Host a pajama party to welcome the new year.
2. Keep up with most of the laundry.
3. Conquer winter with a family ski trip.
4. Watch numerous basketball games for BOTH girls. Yes Gabi started playing too.
5. Put away Christmas.
6. Visit family.
7. Visit a friend.
8. Ponder relationships, friendship management and child wrangling skills.
9. Do a live demonstration of
"how to neti pot" purely for entertainment purposes.
10.Go to criminal court to testify in a crime that I witnessed.
11.Plan more excuses to master the perfect Spotted Greyhound beverage:
-like Superbowl day (go Steelers)
-Steve's bday,
-Snow storm days,
-Frozen kitchen pipe day
-Car buried under 5 inches of snow so I can't go anywhere day...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Spotted Greyhound:
Mix
2 parts vodka*
4 parts freshly squeezed grapefruit juice
Then
Toss in a small handful of blueberries.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*vodka-- brings me to the 12th thing I've done this month:
12. Conducted a blind taste test of three vodkas
-Grey Goose
-Ketel One
-Tito's
Conclusion: alcohol dulls taste buds and disables one from
distinguishing between brands.
Hang-overs are really decided by the amount imbibed and not the quality.
This, I know.

December

2010-12-21T21:14:00.000-05:00

Time is the perfect present.

Went to a lecture given by 'Eat, Pray, Love' author Elizabeth Gilbert.

2010-11-18T10:56:00.017-05:00

"A crisis is merely a puzzle with drama."

...is one of the nuggets from the evening that stuck with me.

Remove drama and all of life's hiccups are merely puzzles to attend to immediately or set aside for later.
If we set it aside for later
with 'a kiss on the forehead' and good intentions, it will
resolve itself.
Every single day I am discovering this.
I am living proof of it.

Can not write in detail about this because I am tapping this post out on my cell phone but in case you need a few guidelines that I am absolutely emphatic about, here it is.

1. Be thankful for everything. Even life's hiccups teach us something. Take a second to guess what it is.
2. State what you want. Do not tell and retell what you don't want.
3. When a hiccup has presented itself, think immediately of one thing that makes you happy.

#3 may seem tricky and a bit on the cosmic and slightly demented approach but I am guaranteeing 100% results.
It is absolutely insane how the mind works.
To give you a concrete example:

Let's say I was dog sitting a good friend's puppy and find a third pile of dog sh** smooshed
underneath my bare foot. Instead of thinking of euthanizing the dog I immediately think in rapid succession:
-thank goodness I did not have socks on!
-thank you puppy for sh**ing on tile and not carpet!
-I am so glad to have a fairly housetrained dog of my own!

By the time I am done with my litany of good thoughts my foot is washed, the area sanitized and all is well in my world.

And mind you, the good thought does not even need to be related to the event.

For example, if the sh** smeared under my bare foot on tile happened,
a non-sequitor good thought could be something as unrelated as a memory of a fantastic "O."
(my sister Karen has many of these...)

I am telling you, it works.

Big Smile

2010-11-15T14:54:00.000-05:00

Tears.

Extra bold Paul Newman coffee with a generous dollop of Penn state
creamery ice cream. (am out of creamer).

Very delicious Medium rare steak, mashed potatoes, steamed broc and
cauliflower (reheated left over from... many many nights ago---that
would have completed wigged out a salmonella-phobe but not me since I am from a
third world country)

Thinking of popping a couple of dolmas in my mouth.
(wholefoods stuffed grape leaves.)
Have you had them? Love them.

Hhhhm.
The ability to cry and an appetite.
Sounds like me alright.
Maybe I am back.

Crying is not a bad thing.
I find it cleansing every once in a while.
If it seems like I am completely changing the topic, I am.

I have not written in a long time.
I miss this blog.

Don't Sweat The Small Stuff

2010-10-04T18:52:00.002-04:00

"thank goodness my sewage pipe is going to be repaired."
As I look at the 11 foot deep excavation on my driveway.

September

2010-09-30T19:12:00.000-04:00

Whenever I come out of a deep funk, I feel extreme relief.
It is as if I had a really bad fall, the type that not only looks bad but sounds bad and being surprised that nothing is broken.
Nothing is broken.
I have un-cocooned myself and although I am feeling much much better, I am still a bit socially wobbly.

Where Do I Begin?

2010-08-18T12:47:00.002-04:00

I am afraid that if I start in the middle of the story, the only one that will understand is me.

When the home phone rings at 1:20 AM

2010-08-05T03:04:00.003-04:00

it is extremely difficult to fall asleep after that.
It is now 3:05 AM and after tossing and turning, I decided to tap out my insomnia SOS to the world.
Although the phone call was an ER doc looking for Steve, it was not, in fact, an emergency.
Our bedroom phone line being somewhat out of commission (construction work related, of course)
I had to scurry groggily upstairs to snag the phone call.

If I still can't sleep after blogging I will either:
1. Wash a few dishes in our bathroom sink (construction work related, of course)
2. Do laundry in my pour-the-excess-water-down the floor drain sort of way (yes construction blah blah)
3. Unpack from our road trip.
4. Find an advil pm (see above)
5. Jump out of my skin.

Heading North

2010-08-01T09:20:00.002-04:00

100 miles to Savannah, Ga.
We left Key West last night.
Pulled into a truck stop at 4 am and slept for a few hours.
Correction: Steve slept for a few, I slept more than that.
Traveling by RV is fantastic for its rolling lodging capabilities.
The dog and the girls never broke stride in their REM state.
This morning, with Steve going 75 mi an hour on I-95 I proceeded with my grooming tasks.
I washed my face, brushed my teeth and then painfully discovered that it is a very bad idea to curl one's eyelashes in a moving vehicle.

Undecided

2010-07-20T14:31:00.004-04:00

There are people that "love" camping and are good at it, mind you (Hello Lewands!)
And there are those that say that it just isn't for them. The camping trip we went on last 4th of July has me undecided. We went camping with the Lewand family through the Allegheny National Forest for 8 days. Hiking, swimming, biking, kayaking, scrambling onto big boulders, squeezing into a pitch black cave, campfires, coin operated showering and eating out of disposable dinnerware.
Considering our house has been without a kitchen sink for 2 months-- or a kitchen, for that matter---
it was not such a break in our routine.
Even the huge deer flies doing kamikaze dives onto us nor the blunt force trauma I received from Team Lewand as they spiked the flies that landed on my head was curiously enjoyable!
Kids running up to me with FROGS and toads the size of a paper plate
and snake catching-I still found refreshingly un-city-like.
Nice.
But having the tail end of our RV wedged stuck as we backed up on an inclined road, or having to do an emergency evacuation of the RV due to an "explosion" (that turned out to be a fire extinguisher detonated)
left me a tad on the edgy side.
By the time Steve exuberantly reported a black bear sighting--
I was too spent to get up (read: Sleep Aided) to join
him and the rest of our party watch a bear go dumpster diving.
The kids were thrilled to go wild bear watching, (in the safety of Lee's truck of course)
I decided that Ambien, a bear attack and I would not have been a good combination.
Anyhow by the time we got back to civilization I felt like I had been through a week of Survivor, Amazing Race, Takeshi Castle and Candid
Camera all rolled into one.
Speaking of camera, I have pictures.
But the choice between uploading and living is easy.
Life wins and We. are. RV-ing. It. again.
1300 miles ++
Destination: Key West.
I am typing this on my iPhone as Steve drives this bus.
Alas, 350 mi into our journey we get a call from Erica informing us that 1/4 of our tree (the best tree ever...or so we thought)
has split off and come crashing down.
Thankfully, it lands without hurting anyone or anything.
No kitchen,
No basement,
Soon to be dug up driveway,
and now Major limb falling
is making a bonafide camper out of me after all.
It's good to be on the road again.
Trees Happen.
And until locusts come knocking on my door I will still consider myself extremely blessed.

Last night

2010-07-15T08:59:00.004-04:00

My children and I were watching Marley and me on television.
I suddenly started sobbing at the scene during Marley's final visit to the vet.

With real tears.

This caught Gabi by surprise that she actually ended up laughing at me.
Kika reprimanded Gabi for her insensitivity and Gabi, with the sudden realization that the tears were real, promptly switched the channel.

Just like that, Gabi must have decided:

Hmm,this show is upsetting my mother, so I shall switch the channel.

It suddenly reminded me of a book I am reading right now called,

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

On page 68 he writes,

"Wherever you are, be there totally. If you find your here and now intolerable and it makes you unhappy, you have three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it totally"

Gabi, who is 9, just helped me comprehend Tolle.

Traffic Court in July

2010-07-14T23:26:00.010-04:00

is better than criminal court in June.
As the accused sits there and watches me on the witness stand as I am about to testify--
I stall for what I hope was an imperceptibly delayed second before squeakily asking:

"State and spell my name for the record?"

I had just been sworn in. I had forgotten all about that constitutional right of knowing one's accuser.
Gulp. Blink, Blink. Swallow.
Tempting as it was to give a stage name, my credibility was peskily important.
Witnessed and identified by me without the fake name, the guy is now in jail.
With my luck I may get a facebook request from him...

Yesterday, on a totally unrelated issue,
I paid a visit to Traffic Court for a flawed ticket.
Armed with nothing more than a Home Depot time stamped receipt to prove that my car and I were not where the ticket said I was overstaying--
and with a husband and two daughters in tow for added comedy,
my undeserved parking ticket was DISMISSED.

[Does the "Elaine dance" to the theme of Law and Order]

And I Am Not Making This Up Either

2010-06-17T07:17:00.007-04:00

Due to my laundry room being out of commission, I will need to go to a laundromat today.

But first I will go to testify in a preliminary hearing for a crime I witnessed.

When my sister Karen and her family were here visiting over a month ago, we were sitting on our porch when a car drove up across the street.
A guy casually hopped out of the front passenger side and broke into another car that was parked across the street from us.

In. Broad. Daylight.
After he stole the GPS, he looked at us (Karen had actually yelled HEY!!!)
and grinned before he jumped back into his (stolen) getaway car.
Police came, report filed.
Owner of vehicle came, the yoga class she had just attended completely cancelled out by her violated belongings.

Weeks later, detectives brought me 16 mug shots and asked me if I could identify the man I saw that day.

(I thought to myself, Are they kidding??? I am a "super recognizer!!!" 'Tis my gift.)
(more on this later)
I picked out the man from that afternoon and he just happens to be notorious for stealing subarus (the getaway car)
and as a reward for the use of my super recognizer skill,
I get to go face to face with this brazen criminal in court.

Steve said that as a bonus I should ask the cops to help me get out of that parking ticket from last friday...
It is day four of my daughters' summer vacation, and although all they've done so far is run errands with me,
this is one task that they will NOT be going to with me.
I am thinking a hat, a wig and thick eyeglasses...

I am hoping they put this guy away for a long time,

or at the very least for the duration of my lack of laundry facilities here at home.

With my luck (and super recognizer skills) I will run into him at the laundromat.

Do You Know That In Order To Stop Payment on A Check

2010-06-16T15:46:00.003-04:00

written, you must know its check number?

My daughters are on day three of their summer vacation.

So far they have gone with me to get a mammogram, take our bulldog to the vet to get shots,

take our vacuum cleaner to be serviced and gone to the bank to reverse a "stop payment" on a check that has finally made its way to its final and correct destination.

Do you know that Xanax is pretty effective at calming a person?

(may cause drowsiness)

Even If I Could Do Laundry Today which I can't on account of

2010-06-14T12:00:00.003-04:00

my washing machine/dryer being disconnected due to the ripped out basement caused by the flooding...

I couldn't anyway because my water is temporarily shut off by a plumber doing work here.

I just discovered today that in order to permanently fix our flooding basement problem, our driveway will need to be dug up and terra cotta pipes will need to get replaced by pipes current to this century.

This excavation will get to the "roots" of the problem. Pun with words there. Apparently roots have infiltrated our pipes causing the flooding and sewage invasion in our used-to-be-finished basement.

In my contentment meter, I am at a perfect zero on this subject.

Happy that there will be a solution to the flooding problem, unhappy that they will need to dig up our driveway.

So instead of doing laundry today in the laundry room that I do not have--

I got on the phone and scheduled a mammogram that's been overdue since November of 2009.

I will go right after lunch today.

After I shower.

Oh, wait--can't shower either.

You know what gets me through days like this?

The knowledge that I do not have to fight for my life in the Afghan National Army,

I do not have to give birth in a remote area of Sierra Leone where 1033 women die for every 100,000 live births,

And my children are healthy.

Hot Showers are overrated anyway.

Today

2010-06-12T15:53:00.002-04:00

I picked up around here while waiting for the girls to come home from their friend's house.
I Cleaned my porch--pretty much my haven during this -no basement -no kitchen -no backyard and-no AC Life.
I Mowed the lawn.
Yes, I did!
I am Super proud of that.
That was my very first time.
Did not know if I could even start the lawnmower.
I could not, so Kika helped me.
She had to squeeze the gas while I needed two hands to yank the starter.
Then after mowing, she helped me empty the grass into a lawn bag. That is a two man job, I think.
Just saved my family the $30.00 some guy was going to charge me if I let him do it for me.
Speaking of outrageous, the parking authority of this city has done it again.

I got an illegitimate parking ticket that I fully intend to fight.
Yes I know it will cost me just to park downtown and if I considered the time and compute whether it is worth it--I should just pay the THIRTY FIVE dollars. Even my 9 yr old stated that--- But don't care!
I will bike to the parking authority!!!
It is the principle.
The meter person was either too dumb or lazy to do her mindless job correctly.

I am torn between going on a sushi run right now
or bathing my dog who smells like vomit.
Hmm.
Conundrum.
WWCD?
Detailed explanation later.

June Bug

2010-06-05T06:47:00.008-04:00

It is rather early in the morning for me to be writing here on a Saturday, but I feel like I owe it to my soul to sift through this rubble.

Uniformed cops recently showed up at my door.

My house, having recently been hit by a drive-by flooding was not ready for visitors.

An electrician that was working on electric meters had shut off my electricity for the day.

Unbeknownst to me, a power outage sends a signal to my home alarm company and the alarm company attempted to call me.

But no power means my cordless phones don't work.

Not getting a hold of me makes them send out at emergency police squad to check on my home.

Bewildered electrician who was working in the back of the house, is now being escorted to my front door--where the police start BANGING on the door-- My electric door bell not functioning either.

Cop asks if I know the electrician. Of course I don't know electrician's name, for we had not had the chance to exchange pleasantries over crumpets and tea as of yet, but his work was authorized. As I stumble and stutter over my words, partly because of my exhaustion from the previous night's water mitigation exercise--and also because I am just thrown off by the cop scene and by how it is clear that I am now also a suspected accomplice (a not very well spoken accomplice at that.)

I am asked for I.D.

Astute detective work assesses my dress code and concludes I've not only identified enough but apparently exposed enough too. My tattered undershirt, de rigueur for sleeping in humid summer weather after a late night of dealing with sewage water, makes the cop realize that I am not ready for visitors either and decides to leave me alone without frisking me.

Life is good.

Writer's Block

2010-05-18T10:11:00.002-04:00

Just in case you were wondering,

I have had serious writer's block.

I have also had doing-the-laundry block.

Bill-writing block.

Grocery-shopping block.

Parenting block.

Family block.

People-in-general block.

you-name-it block.

A Good Song For May

2010-05-17T15:57:00.004-04:00

My sister Karen and her family, after a month stay with us, arrived back in Manila safely.